Relationship Rant Thread #3

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nah, I can't be doing with being nasty to people, whoever they are. Bloody tempting though .

 

Speak for yourself, old man. If you suffer pain like a martyr of Ilmater, your call. I don't and I never will. And who cares if it's destructive... the payback will have been worth the self-destruction.

 

Who says that you need to suffer and be a martyr just because you elect to not to take revenge? THere IS such a thing as "dealing with it and moving on".

 

Well said, Arabwel.

The pain has already been suffered. Going after the (perceived) source of that pain does nothing to change the past and just creates more pain for the future.

 

Bah, I'm through arguing with you pacifists. You won't get me to change my views.

 

Yes, what Harbourboy and Ara said.

I can't grasp what it is that you can get out of seeing the person that hurt you suffer unnecessarily.

 

The person who hurts you rarely means to do it. When you do it out of vengeance, it's a clear, conscious decision and a deliberate act. And yet you still typically consider yourself infinitely better than that person. However, no matter how you order it in your mind, in the eyes of other people and your future mates, you're still someone who has cheated. First or second, or to have or to take revenge, just cheated, at any rate. So you need acceptance, you need someone to love you as you are. Why not do that to other people, then?

Another thing is that vengeance is often a reaction to the feeling of sorrow, deceit and betrayal at being cheated when you were being honest and faithful. Because bad things shouldn't happen to good people. So you do a bad thing because bad things happen to bad people as they should and it's easier to deal with bad things happening to you because you're bad too. But bad things happen to good people too and you just need to deal with it.

[ July 03, 2006, 01:25: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

Good point.

 

Rarely means it?!?

/me slaps myself behind the head to cool down... unsuccesfully. Better get your flamesuits on.

And what about a certain b****, who not only cheated on me, but also took the time to tell me long & wide about him?!? Why wouldn't THAT have deserved a bloody vengeance?!? Not only did she cheated on me, she BOASTED about it in my F***ING FACE. The first one of you who says THAT was UNINTENTIONAL, I'll punch myself!!!

It's that kind of b****** that makes me believe in vengeance! The kind of woman who aren't content just to rip your f***ing heart out, but who also feel the need to squeeze it and break it into a million small pieces!

And what about another one, who let herself be touched (read: groped) by another guy while I had my back turned, and who ended up cheating on me, and BLAMED ME of NOT having fought for her. How's that for an unintentional act, eh?

Had enough? I can come up with some mroe scenarios of intentional and deliberate pain-dealing.

Infidelity, an unintentional act? HA! Go tell that to someone else.

 

Man, where do you find these girls? What leads to your selections?

 

This one was a so-called "friend", which I had known for 18 years, and with which I briefly was in a relationship.

This one I was in a relationship with some five years ago, IIRC.

Both betrayals were not totally unexpected... I had some kind of bad feeling. They were surprisingly good gals. I guess it's those same gals who are capable of such things.

 

Disciple of the Watch - those situations do sound bad and they do sound intentional. I'd be pretty cut up if things like that had happened to me. But I'm still not sure how vengeance helps make things any better.

 

Theorically speaking, it doesen't. It brings me some manner of personal pleasure and satisfaction, though.

The rule of vengeance isn't universal, though. It applies to worst case scenarios like infidelity, and some other things that I find myself unable to forgive.

There are, however, woman towards which I find myself totally unable of pulling out some dubious and painful ****. Like my own special little someone. I'd rather slit my throat open than hurt her.

 

If you are into Vengeance as you say someday you will learn that old saying: "When you go seeking revenge, first dig two graves." is not only an old but a proven adage. Engage in Vengeance long enough an someday you will come to the realization that the person who reaped the whirlwind was you. You will be the one you harmed the most. You will be a bitter, mistrustful, miserable cynic who is un-loved and worse yet will not allow yourself to be loved. Always on the lookout for betrayal and planning ahead for your revenge! I hope you mellow with age. Take it from an old avenger, thats no kind of life.

 

Some profound truth there.

 

...

Seems you guys are trying to convert me, hmm?

Well, I'll say only this: my entire life has been one of treachery and betrayal. I've both stabbed and been stabbed in the back by friends and lovers alike, so being on the lookout for any eventual betrayal has obviously became a second nature. I *am* distrustful.

There is some deep common sense and truth in your words, Bassil... but unless some kind of miracle happens, my ways likely will not change.

 

@DotW: That only shows they possibly didn't mean it. The one you knew for 18 years might have taken the time to tell you about that guy as a means of a hint for you to get and understand without much direct talking between you two, as sheepish and effectively hurtful and inconsiderate as it was. The other one probably wanted to get some sort of protective, jealous reaction from you but didn't really, so she went on and on, probably hoping you'd react and it would be over, as sheepish and stupid as it was. Then she probably "had to" follow through out of some stupid ill-conceived compulsion. Of course, I too would have looked and pretended I didn't see anything, and not given her the jealous reaction she was trying to elicit from you. I would probably have dumped her a couple of hours later or the following morning instead of on the spot, the oh so easily-hormone-game-manipulated guy that I am, having just scored -82 in a 0-100 "how horny are you?" test on OKCupid.

 

I don't know if I'm the first person to note this, but you, Disciple of the Watch, remind me a lot of a former frequent poster named Shura. (Both of you place a netherworld as your location, for one. thing) That's not really compliment, and it's not really a criticism; it's just an observation.

I don't share your experience, but I do believe that on the internet, it's far easier to behave bitterly, cynically, and vengefully than it is to actually be bitter, cynical, and vengeful. Consider how much of what you're saying is actual to yourself and how much of it is projection onto a world full of bad, bad things (and I won't deny that the world is full of bad, bad things).

 

Took such a test. got -66.

So, basically, that would be saying that I show a different face of myself, and pretend to be something I am not? I understand your point, but I do not wear a mask. I am just the way I am, both here and in RL, anyone I know in RL will tell you the same.

 

Come on, link to that test!