Relationship Rant Thread #3

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boring would be fine with me

 

@Barmy: Well, it wouldn't really be boring because if the couple agreed all the time, they would probably also like similar things, so there would always be something to do and think about. Remove quarrels and disagreements and you'll still have different experience in life, so there might be a lot to talk about, as well. I think.

@reepnorp: Congrats. Don't think about the prom anymore. There's no need. I went to my own with a female friend who had a boyfriend outside school, just as a matter of having someone to do the big dance with. If you have bad memories, just let go.

@Iku-Turso: Hehe. Right. If you see, let's say, the woman of your dreams make out with some loser while drunk, it surely helps you see things in a different light.

 

Ditto.

Good on ya!

 

Speaking of drunks, I've decided that I hate my best friend when he's drunk. He is a complete assbag when he gets any alcohol in him... he becomes arrogant, more selfish, and downright annoying. Bah, I dislike drinking with him. Especially because he thinks he knows when I am buzzed, and laughs and laughs, despite the fact that I am in complete control. He thinks after one beer, I'm gone, and quite frankly, its the opposite!

Eh, I didn't like drinking anyways.

In addition, the trip to Europe with him was kind of annoying (I mean, being with him). When we were in Italy, I was trying to help his cousin say something to him (because neither my friend nor I speak Italian, but I pick things up quicker), and he flipped out at me because of what the content of the message was and the fact that I was helping his cousin. Sure, he doesn't get to see him that much, but trying to help translate something isn't my attempt at taking away my friend's time with his cousin!

I also learned that he whines alot (not the little-kid whine, but a more subtle, "bad-ass" attitude kind of whine, in which he basically gets out of doing stuff and looks 'cool' doing it ), and that whenever I try to say something intelligent (as in, not: "Check out the ass on that girl!" or "MILF MILF MILF!"), he imitates me in this 'nerd' voice and tells me to stop over-analyzing everything (looking back on everything I've written, I find that the mention of that is kind of ironic), and if I begin to win an argument (or again, say something rational), then he just says (in a condescending and annoying voice): "Yeah, OK buddy. Shut up". For example, we were talking about the family we were staying with in Barcelona, and I said that we couldn't stay out too late or we would wake them up and such, and he just says "Yeah.... SHUT UP."

In addition (or multiplication ), he constantly uses 'gay', 'fag', 'faggot', 'queer', and 'homosexual' as insults. Personally, I hate when people do that, because there is nothing wrong with being gay (and even if you feel that it is wrong, I think you would agree with me that it still shouldn't be used as an insult...). Whenever I make a comment about it, he tells me to shut up. Such as when we were talking about a picture that his sister was in. In the first, she was just standing there, and in the second (to which he said: this is my sister being gay), she was pretending to grope some guy (obviously joking), with her leg up around his waste. I said: "If she was gay, wouldn't she have her leg around the girl in the picture, not the guy?"


Bah, whatever, I guess I just wont take extended trips with him. Just hanging out with him is fine, and we have been (best) friends for 10 years. Perhaps he just thinks he is better because he is older and going to college... Eh, whatever.

 

Typical, I think. I'm not sure I'd want to go on such a long trip with any of my friends. Travelling together is always sort of a test.

 

I usually find those signs early one and basically steer clear of anyone like that, and I know exactly the type of person you are talking about, Saber.

Better an empty house than a bad tennant, ditch his ass for a friend without obvious homophobia and penile insecurity.

 

Oh no, that didn't happen! Although I was worried about it when I lost her completely for a while. No, but she's just so obnoxious, picking up arguments with people she shouldn't, with her boyfriend encouraging her, do the ever deserve each other, and even making a big man cry with her sharp tongue and black and white opinions. A total social disaster! Otherwise when drunk she's very much like this little teenage girl, rather cute actually but lacking manners and courtesy, which is in my view unacceptable.

Oh sure, I'm not that well mannered when intoxicated either, but picking up fights with people, even though they'd be only verbal, is not my idea of having a good time. And being with such a girl is not something I'd ever look forward to.

 

Just like me. Keep the vodka away from me if you don't want to see blood and teeths on the floor. That stuff makes me go berserk. Go figure, I have no problems with vodka-based mixed drinks - or used to, since I stopped drinking. I still take the occasional can of beer, but nothing more than that. Jolt is so much better.

Back on topic, it's better that way. Better for you to have found out now than when in a relationship with her.

 

In turn, I'm well mannered when picking fights when intoxicated.

Seriously, though, manners are very, very core. I can get over some obviously superficial etiquettal things (real politeness is more important than protocol), but only if the person is trying to be kind and polite anyway. I can't really imagine getting over name calling in a relationship, for example, or male friends referring to women as piece of ass, or that kind of thing.

 

Me neither. That's why I'm usually having a hard time with my male friends. And I don't mind lack of etiquette, since I'm not that well acquainted with etiquette myself. But yes, if you can't be polite with people when drunk you should a)not drink b)just shut up or c)just try really really hard not to insult people, of which she did none.

But it's kind of ironic, since even when I dislike that kind of behaviour with another person, it was a similar problem with my ex that caused us too much unwanted friction into our relationship. When I get drunk, I don't mind making a total fool out of myself, especially since this tends to make people laugh. But when I get too drunk, I get totally out of control and there's no telling into what kind idiocy I'm about to embark.

I'm still a happy-go-lucky guy when drunk, usually, but I'm just having a little too much fun. On occasion this did happen, which did cause some shame to my girlfriend. This has caused me to be careful with my drinking however and watch my behaviour when intoxicated, so at least some good has come out of that. Maybe that's a part of why this girl from my work being a little too drunk bugs me so much.

edit: and DoTW, good on you for having stopped drinking too much, I've considered quitting drinking myself, but I've managed to gain more self-control over myself when drunk, and maybe you will too, eventually.

[ July 12, 2006, 14:54: Message edited by: Iku-Turso ]

 

Stopping drinking almost came out as naturally... I began drinking less and less, substituing it in favor of Mary-Jane, until I dropped alcohol completly and smoked tons of MJ instead. I have also stopped MJ, so I'm a straight-edge now, save for the very occasional can of beer.

 

What is it with some people and their rubbing of the fact that they are, in fact, in a relationship to the faces of those who aren't but wish they were?

 

Just means they have been single and know the bad sides of it so are now showing off. That or they've always been in some relationship, so it's a defensive, xenophobic reaction, while they can't really live without one and probably know it. So they take it out on you. Either of the two.

 

Maybe they are just very in love and can't help talking about it.

 

Not falling in love has solved all my relationship problems. Can't miss a thing when you don't want it. Sadly when I look at the girls I know, I seem to see them more like sisters then women. Does create a nice perspective though, allows me to take a step back and analyze what I really want (and of course I seem to want myself as a woman... and my personality would never be compatible with my own).

Anyway, I think some of our posters could use some time off from relationships. Some time for yourself will help you sort things out rather then going headlong back into the relationship scene to patch up holes. Love is a "mind affecting spell", you need to wait out the duration of the spell before taking another action. Also these seeming series of bad relationships build up stress, give yourself time to settle. No one has to be in a relationship, you should only be in one if the relationship is satisfing more then purely companion needs. If the relationship is really only about sex or company there are better ways to get it then an harmful relationship.

 

Some common sense here.

Hmm, hey, I feel like starting a debate here.

What do you guys thing of platonic friendship between a woman and a man? Is it possible? If so, why? If not, why?

I personally believe it's possible - my mind isn't 24/7 in the gutter, so I have a few woman friends which I have no idea or desire to bang the hell out of - that's just not my style. I know some gals which are purely and simply platonic friends.

What do you guys think?

 

Yes. Women and men can be friends. I've seen it many times and I'm involved in many relationships like that.

I think this is a pointless debate as there only needs to be one situation where a male and a female are friends and there is no sexual attraction/tension between either to disprove the other argument.

 

Sorry to be nitpicking, but platonic friendship would be friendship not expressed, at least not physically. It has nothing to do with platonic love, which is love not finding a sexual expression.

Even if you talk about platonic relationships, it presupposes some kind of male-female non-physical "thing". And in that case, it would already be different from a male-male or female-female friendship.

And you can perfectly have a male-female friendship. You don't even have to consider your friend unattractive. It just happens like that sometimes.

 

Eh, sure, but I get infatuated so easily that in almost every one of my friendships with a girl has a little bit of tension in them. Not doing anything about it is a way of not making an idiot of yourself and a way to maintain that friendship. Infatuations come and go, but having the brand of a clown on your forehead tends to stick a bit longer.

edit: I also think that a friendship is the best way to start a relationship with a girl in the first place, so any funny ideas should be kept for yourself and you shouldn't expect too much. Having a good friend is more imporant than to try to fulfill your immediate desires. So whatever you might imagine of your friend girlfriendwise it might not be worth it and it might not even be mutual, however it might seem.

editII: And Arabwel, try not to think too much of it. I know it's infuriating, but wallowing in the fact that one does not have a significant other by one's side doesn't really help at all. On my account it really makes me feel more lonely than I really am, or should feel. Feeling lonely sucks, so why worry about it? Just try to ignore it, I know I do, most of the time.

[ July 14, 2006, 14:47: Message edited by: Iku-Turso ]

 

Correct. Besides, an infatuation doesn't mean that fruition must come. Some people think that a spark of fascination (which isn't always attraction of "that" kind but tends to be mistaken for such) automatically means there must be bed at the end of the way. Wrong. I tend to think people were better at managing this before the sexual revolution. I've had infatuations with quite a number of my friends, sometimes mutual, sometimes they have seemed to have some, not leading to sexual situations.