Relationship Rant Thread #4

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So that's where I've been going wrong!

 

[EDIT]: Actually, I decided I'm not ready to accept that.

In other news, err, I think things are going better.

 

Oh balls, I've messed this one up good and proper. She wants a relationship, I want something a bit more...casual.

I'm giving mixed signals, something I swore I'd never do.

 

Stop taking it too seriously. Who cares about signals. If she's offering sex, take it, you can tell her later if you're not interested in getting serious. Just don't be too blunt about telling her, tell her slyly, but in a honest-seeming manner...quite hard to explain how I mean actually, but I know what I'm getting at! Sort of like "I really like you sweetheart, I wish we could have met at a different time.. please don't take this the wrong way but I'm at a stage of my life where I want to stay single for a bit. I hope you understand, you're really sweet I'm sure we'll be really good mates for ages, I really like you" that kind of crap really. Not hard to blag! I've done it a few times lately.. mostly without the sex first though.. some girls are such prudes!

 

That could damage her, plus, it wouldn't be totally honest. If she's developing false impressions, she should be told the truth ASAP.

 

Barmy, I really disagree with your viewpoint.

 

Barmy, that's not on, and it's not who I am. She's been hurt, and she deserves the truth from me.

Besides, from my posts here over the last year, you can see how much I've been screwed over by people giving mixed signals, and I refuse to do that to someone else.

I'll tell her how I feel, that I enjoy her company, both in and out of bed, but that I can't commit right now.

 

Unsurprisingly, I'm siding with Chev on that one. I think he has pretty much nailed it straight on the head.

Amen.

 

That's exactly what I said, I'm pretty sure...

 

You're evil Barmy.

The lady who stood my up, will move to Berlin tomorrow. Reason she didn't show up was that she went to Berlin to fetch the key for her new flat because her landlord wouldn't have time tomorrow. Hmm. And I was determined to not be happy with less than 'Sorry, I met an axe murderer'.... We met twice the last days and we had a little farewell this afternoon.

Less than I liked, but then again, it was nice enough. I guess. Geez, I'll really miss her. Bloody obstructive circumstances. But then, she'll be back to Cologne in five weeks and I'll sure won't pass up the opportunity to see her

 

Talk about deliberately misinterpreting something someone said so you can claim the moral high-ground and make yourselves look all high and mighty...

I'm pretty sure you guys knew what I meant and are just being arseholes for the sake of it.. but what I meant was.. what's the point in cutting something short and telling her to piss off, just because you don't want to make a commitment? No point at all.

Just go with the flow, see what happens, is EXACTLY what I meant.. if sex happens when you meet her on a night out, then it happens.. so long as she realizes what you want, and what you don't want...

Christ, I can't even be arsed to explain the real world to you guys sometimes. I often remember back to when Sarevok said that a lot of people here are so far apart from the real world that it's scary. I feel the same sometimes, it annoys me having to explain a normal young lads viewpoint to a bunch of people detached from the real world trying to claim the moral high-ground from their computers on an internet forum... infuriating sometimes.. but you still feel as if you have to defend yourself! Really weird to be honest.

 

Just pulling your leg Barmy

What counts is that there are no false pretenses. If there is consensual sex, and later you get to tell her that you want no relationship, fine. Just lying about it to have sex is evil. Which I do not think you do.

 

Exactly what I meant, in far less words. If you think I meant otherwise.. no ,I won't even say sorry to be fair. If you think I did, get youselves sorted out, I don't need to explain myself to people just being funny gits for the sake of it .

Having said that though, I get the feeling that if some of you guys came out with my and my mates, some of you would be truly shocked. Most of my mates are truly bad at treating women for sex.. but they're pretty honest about it. no harm in it it in any way, shape or form... when you're early 20's, get sex when you can get it.. provided they're not mingers. It's how the world is! Learn it, or miss out on plenty of good times. You can't learn it when you're old. Last I have to say on the matter .

 

Barmy, I love you lol. I came in here to write about how woeful and lonely my life is, and now I just feel like saying f*** it and going out to play the field haha. You're a bad influence on me, boy!

I've come to the conclusion that relationships and life just don't go together. When you find someone you really like who likes you back, everything else in your life falls apart. Then when you start to get the whole life thing back on track, the relationship falls apart. Irony is a cruel mistress :/

 

That's not actually that fair. It's more that there are people here who are far apart from YOUR world. Their world is just as real as your world and it's a bit rich to make out that what you and your mates do is the 'real world' and what they do or think isn't.

Sometimes, but not always. Just ask all the happily married people here.

 

I actually agree with Harbs here.

That's how the world is? Speak for yourself. Fornicating left and right might be your thing, but that doesen't make it *everyone's*.

Casual sex gives me the creeps. Sex is something special that should only be shared with someone just as special. (Chev, I can see you coming here about marriage, and no need to bring that point up - I *agree*.)

I will *never* get intimate with a woman I'm not involved with. According to your point of view, that may be a "bad" thing, but it's MY own damn choice and I'm perfectly fine with what I have chosen.

I don't give a f*** about how I look. Not everyone shares your views, Barmy. I am one of those such folks.

*EDIT*

And about that weird image that formed in my mind of me and the ex living together, I still haven't found a coherent answer, though I'd be tempted to say it might be some kind of awaken dream.

Nothing worth getting worked up about. Besides, if I ever were to stumble on her, I'd most likely get a couple of slaps on the face.

[ May 29, 2007, 09:09: Message edited by: Disciple of The Watch ]

 

I think fornicating left and right is a strong exaggeration. What sort of frequency do you have in mind? As far as I'm concerned I am not interested in it when I do have a relation. In that point I am adamant. And while I'm more or less searching a relation things more often than not just lead there.

And frankly, from my experience the sort of girl that would be happy for me saying that I don't want to have sex until marriage also reliably bores me to death. When a girl wants to sleep with you, and you come up with: 'Sorry dear, but no sex until marriage' (of course, never enter into something you do not want) chances are she'll start to giggle. That said, I'm all for giggling in the bedroom

When a grownup man and a grownup woman agree to have sex they know what they do. They are both searching for something, and hopefully they find it. I think that it is healthy to rid oneself of the illusion that as far as an occasional one night stand is concerned naughty boys are serially seducing unsuspecting girls into offering their treasure. In my experience that is very far from the truth. That doesn't mean they are being easy.

While I am the first to admit it is not the same thing as sex in a relationship, it is still more than just shagging around. You do underestimate the value of an occasional one night stand. It can be great, or not. It certainly wises you up. It is simply unrealistic to expect perfect sex instantly with a person you do not know. As far as sex is concerned that, and the much deeper emotional bond, is what makes sex in a relation so much better.

I am surprised this thread has gotten to the point where it only results in confrontation. Agree to disagree and leave it at that. In my view what's going on in my or your bedroom is my or your business alone.

I do think that, while marriage is nice and well, think about that folks who study at uni and go have a job then, rarely marry before they reach the age of 30 to 34. That for the facts. You see them spending a full third or quarter of their adult lifes in chastity as an ideal? I do not.

[ May 29, 2007, 15:08: Message edited by: Ragusa ]

 

Get it done mate, while you can! Or you'll regret it when you get older and you wish you did widen your horizons a bit! It took me a while to come out of my 'want to meet a girl I can make a commitment with' stage. Now I'm really careful which girls I get an emotional attachment to.

There's more young lads having a sample of plenty than there is waiting for the perfect girl, trust me! Most young lads'll take a shag where they can get one.

Claptrap! So if Angelina Jolie wason your bed naked with her legs open you'd say "Cover yourself up duck, you'll catch a cold, we need to get to know each other better first". Balls! You're still a lad with red blood at the end of the day. You got a brain and a dick, and only the facility to use one at a time!

Proportion. Blown! When I meet a nice girl and get in a relationship, I'm straight as a die. If you're single out though and a girl is obviously allover you, you're not going to turn it down if you can get a bit are you? You'd have to be gay, stupid, or both. Well, that's how I am and everyone I know is, and most people who go to the clubs I go to are! Maybe people are just more 'liberal' in Europe...

 

Calling me gay or stupid isn't really appreciated, Barmy.

And I find your viewpoint disgusting.