Relationship Rant Thread #4

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Staying friends with exes can be tricky. Especially when I stop the relation with my ex-girlfriend about a year and a half ago. I didn't hate her or anything, it's just I didn't «love» her anymore. Our relation was going nowhere. I *know* she was shocked when I ended it, and it hurt me to think I had hurt her. Since the last thing I wanted was to gave her emotional pain. We didn't stayed friends; she kind of loathed me after. It was a though choice, to continue with a pointless relation and ultimately hurt myself and her, or to break up freeing my mind but hurting her very profoundly in the process. I chose the selfish one, and I can't really hate her for this. Deep inside me I wanted to stay friends, she was a good lass, I just didn't have any love for her left. Anyhow that was a year and an half ago and the more I think about it the more I think it wasn't the «selfish» choice. What do you think?

Beside with my current girlfriend everything is great and our relationship is as strong as ever. And I go slowly with her, I don't want to screw thing by doing thing to fast like I did in the past, especially sexual relation. Call me what you want but I like this approach. She said to me she liked that way better anyway. She told me I was the first man to respect her as a woman and not fake up love for quick and meaningless sex. It may sounds cliché or just plain pretentious but I really think I've matured a lot, I was 16 then and now I'm 18, you could say two years isn't a lot but it is the way I feel.
What can I say? I'm an old fashioned Gentleman

 

Or she'll think you've gone off her and be disappointed and go looking for someone else who makes more of an effort. Either way, you can't win!

 

Women eh. They really do have completely different mindsets. I might turn gay, it would make things so much easier.

 

I think you just echoed every single love interest I've ever had

 

Staying friends with an ex is a concept that I abhor with every single fiber of my soul. This has been discussed a million times already, and I won't beat on a dead horse one more time=, but I'll just say that:

Relationships in my case often end badly, and I'll be damned if I ever go around pretending the opposite. If a woman crosses me, she deserves what's coming to her, and asking me to stay friends just lights a fire under my ass. What do I care about losing a "friend"? There are plenty more people out there, and I won't waste my time trying to maintain a fragile friendship with someone I'll just F-U someday anyway.

 

I don't see why you can't be friends with an ex. You obviously liked them as a person in the first place, so you may as well keep the friendship. One can never have too many friends.

 

Except when it comes to buying presents

 

Thats why I make it well known I hate buying presents - my justification is that I don't think my friendships need to be secured by gifts... saves me the trouble of giving anyone anything

 

On the contrary, one *can* have too many friends. Chalk me as antisocial if you want, I could care less.

Break up with someone in ways as grim as those which happened to me and then we'll talk. We'll see if you still care to see their f------ faces ever again.

 

Hmmm... I migth being jumpin in to this conversation, but...
1) you CAN have too many (female)friends, in the terms of your couple´s way of thinking, that means that you have to keep this under a reasonable number(wich, in many cases, must be zero)
2) If you stay "friend" with an ex, means a "very likely" possibility (you think) of both of you dancing the "horizontal mambo" anytime(that means when she likes)
3) women think different(thats no news), and that migth be the half of the problem of any relationship(and of course,that part is the fun half)
4) men are real pigs in so many matters that we´re all consider "nonsenses" and they consider "outragious" or "propousterous" or even "total desaster", like personal cleaning, order, planification of the future, and "were are we going with this relationship?" kind of phrases, when you just date her for third time; that kind of stuff
5) every single person in this entire planet is a world of its own, no matter how many people you think you know, no matter how many times you suffer a broken heart, you still think that the next person you are going to meet is "the one"(wich in the 99.95 % of the time is WAY wrong)
6) Relationships ARE hard to mantain, it´s a 24-7 job ,365 days(sounds lika a death sentence,rigth?) of the year you have to polish those unlikable things , and your couple has to make it also, or like and old saying goes: Love it´s like a boat, if you don´t paddle with both oars, you´ve just ended turning in the same place.

 

Ah, the infamous "hot'n'cold syndrome." It goes like a wave: first up and up, getting hotter and hotter, only to crash down flat on face like a pancake. Not worth the trouble, I say, since it will not change. Might have something to do with "that" day of the month.

By the way, there is this interesting site called NoMarriage.com. Might be worth looking at. Personally, I can agree with several points in the (brief) articles, like "Why marriage used to work, but no longer works."

Ignore the book ads.

 

What did your mother do to you?

 

Thanks for the sympathy, everyone...

And you're all correct, of course. Better for her to be happy with someone else than just staying with me. It's just that it's a bit hard to get over someone I've had feelings for for two years...

We had a long SMS discussion throughout the night yesterday, and she just kept apoligizing, saying she didn't want to lose me as a friend, while I just kept telling her that she didn't have to be sorry.

Well, it's the holidays...As good a time as any to start healing and get a grip on reality.

 

@Lord FOX:

Supposing you give your woman no reason to be jealous, setting the number at 0 is possessive but somehow logically explicable. Also setting the number at the same as the number of your male friends - or, well, begone with numbers, just let's say some balance between male and female friends, that's reasonable as well. But coming up with "two" or "three" or "five" is a sign of a mind that does not work in reasonable ways. I would run from such a woman.

Depends, sometimes she wants a venting ear and a crying shoulder to be there. Some could-have-beens who turn you down sincerely want to keep the friendship going despite the failed offshot. As a rule, it probably serves to soothe the dumper's feelings.

I hear you. I freak out at the thought of planning which includes me in the plans but not in the decision process.

Sometimes people push intimacy and then create obligations out of the latter. Probably some kind of mate acquisition strategy. I think it's unfair and it leads to no healthy relationship.

Hey, that makes it sound like relationships aren't worth having. It's not some craving of sex that gets us there and it's not like we undertake the burden out of inexplicable weakness for someone. Sometimes you're expected to change a lot, sometimes you're accepted. Some people really mind some things, some just like reordering others to suit their own imagination.

@Kenixkil:

It is. But it can be done.

Hmm... That sounds like more than a normal friendship kind of emotions. Don't know... maybe you're the dear boy but something more compelling is dragging her somewhere else (doesn't have to be another guy)? Who knows.

Hehe.

 

That completely lights a fire under my ass. If you have a problem to solve, then solve it with the concerned person and don't whine about it on my shoulder to make it more bearable, FFS! I ain't an emotional trashcan!

That also lights a fire under my ass. You can't be someone or something you're not, and someone wanting to be with you should accept you for what you are, not try to iron out flaws and to make a "version 2.0" of you. Take me the way I am or don't take me's my mantra on that one.

 

Heh, good luck with that one. Women consider their men as 'projects' and will eventually get you how they want you.

If you don't mind me saying, you're quite an aggressive person!

 

Barmy speaks some wise words (for once).

 

He does. But it's only partly correct in my case. If it succeeds, it does only partially or for a limited period of time. I have awful will saves and I get rerolls.

On the other hand there are things I don't mind. For example, getting me to go to bed earlier (my own ), or use less salt, or something generally good for me, is cute. It's not the same as training me to pick up on tiny signals and whimsical wishes would be.

 

I can have a pretty foul temper, yes. I'm not THAT aggressive - I just take no s***.

Yeah, I agree here. If it's good, I guess there's no harm in trying, at least - unless it's trying to make me quit caffeine.

 

/me opens his eyes wide and takes several deep breaths

No, I mean for real, how could you even think that? Let alone say. I'm traumatised. Even now.