Relationship Rant Thread #5

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Well, following my last post, I dreaded telling her about my decision, because I hate breaking a woman's heart.

It went super smoothly. She understood my decision - and she's prefectly cool with it - because she feels the same way - she looks up to me as a big brother, a best friend, and not a potential lover, that's what she said.

Damn, that was easy. Getting that off my chest feels pretty good too. Back to singledom and all it's perks.

On a different note, funny it turned out this way - we're worlds apart on critical topics - she wants a "normal" life - Marriage, 2.2 kids, working 9-5, a mortgage, that kind of stuff.

This very idea sends shivers down my spine. This kind of life does not appeal to me, and I don't want it. Finding a woman who fits with what I like - and who doesen't want a "normal" life - is pretty much hard to find. Meh, no big deal, I enjoy singledom. If it happens, then good, if it doesn't happen, no big deal - I'm perfectly comfortable with the possibility of waltzing through life alone.

 

Heh, dodged another bullet there bro...

 

Yeah, though with this perticular one, it's a whole 12-gage shotgun slug I dodged.

It couldn't have ended better, though... she didn't get her feelings hurt, I didn't lose a friend, I don't end up looking like a bastard... it's all good.

 

I wish I had your guts so to speak DoTW, got an ex who I don't fare that much for really but I care what she thinks about me cos I seem to care what everyone thinks about me, I just wish I had the guts with this current interest of mine and the guts to tell my most recent ex that I only care about her as a friend, I mean how is a guy to know how a girl will react to news that a guy she knows is ultra keen on her but willing to bide his time until she is ready for a proper relationship?

 

Well, Aldazar, one thing I can tell you from hard experience is that living with unspoken feelings is difficult and straining.

That reminds me of a friend of mine I knew for two full years, and never had the guts to tell her how I felt... and all that time, the desire to tell her was litterally killing me. Ultimately, my feelings for her remained untold.

I never want to go through that again. So I learned to kick my ass and declare my feelings for an interest, and things have been much better so far. Of course, the risk of rejection is always a factor, but it's a gamble one has to take. The risk is well worth the payoff of a relationship, IMO.

In short... speak the truth and it shall set you free. And if your interest does not return your feelings, then you know the time and date and can move on with peace of mine.

 

Interestingly, I find that it's often the girl that makes the final move, at least that's what I see happening around me. I wonder whether that is really extreme fear of rejection or shyness on the part of the guy, or ultimately a lack of interest deep down somewhere.

 

Yes, very interesting point you bring here, Charl. I've also noticed that in my own little corner of the world, though to a lesser degree.

Truth be told, I am one such guy. I'll openly admit what I feel for a gal, but I like it when the traditional men-chases-woman role is reversed and I'm the one that is chased.

So Charl, that would be a third explaination to your theory - guys who like being chased.

 

Taking risks is what makes a man. Well, not only, but also.

I'm gonna die.

Possibly both, Uytuun, or perhaps a fear of guilt. Remember that a rejected guy isn't merely politely thanked for his attention, he's not even merely declined any future with the girl, but he's also often regarded as an intruder or a perv. Some girls take offence if they don't like the guy confessing feelings. No one wants to feel like a criminal, not even a "social" criminal, or a pariah. Sometimes it feels like we're being accused of molestation or something like that. Personally, I think a guy should have the guts to declare his feelings, but that's easier said than done sometimes. Sometimes subtle hints seem to work better, though I wouldn't use them to make the girl confess love. Just to see if I had any chance of reciprocation. Another reason connected with reciprocation is that if you just stand up and say it, you don't know if the girl returns your feelings or if she merely agrees to give you a try.

There can be other reasons, but this post would get long and boring.

 

I guess for me the one thing holding me back from just straight-out telling the lady in question is that I have VERY few friends and I don't want to risk even just making the situation between her and I uncomfortable or awkward, but by the same token I don't want to end up stuck in The Friend Zone. I mean as things stand right now I can see myself having a real chance at a future with her and because of how comfortable and easy (not in THAT sense) we are with each other I can see it lasting for a very long time and definitely being well worth the work, where in my past relationships I have tried to work things out when they've started to go wrong but the other person hasn't. I just get the impression that this particular lovely lady will reciprocate in that aspect.

Damn I hate low confidence!!

 

Barmy pulled in town last night. Went back to hers to make the sex, then she made Barmy a fry up. That's what I call a result. Not pulled in a while, it was needed let me tell you! My balls were like apples.

 

Nice one Barmy, even got the fry up! Way to get "back in the game"

 

Well, I found a decent new housemate.

The twist is that she's my friend's (y'know, the dodged shotgun slug) best friend. I don't know much of her, but my kid sister vouches for her, and that's good enough for me.

I just hope this doesen't bite me in the a** down the line. Oh, crap, look at me, I'm overanalyzing again. I'll worry with whatever happens in due time.

 

WTF is wrong with me? Just been out for a night on the turps with the object of my desire/confusion/interest and all I could think about was wrapping my arms around her and holding her close but do you think I did anything about it? Of course not... too much of a coward? She's just so...everything amazing, she's awesome... gotta grow a set maybe... she just looked so beautiful tonight... even had her here at home watching Scrubs with me...

 

Don't put her on a pedestal mate.

 

If you're certain of what you're doing, Aldazar, then I suggest you make your move, and do so FAST. Otherwise, you might miss your opportunity and you'll regret not making a move when you had the opportunity.

Better to have remorse than regrets.

 

I haven't as such, it's more that we have so much fun together that I find myself terribly attracted to her. To put her on a pedestal would mean completely ignoring any flaws no? Well, I found out last night that she (much like everyone else in the world) certainly does have some major flaws that I wouldn't be able to ignore even if I wanted to. And that's a damn good thing imho

Anyway, I just may have to make a move very soon to make my feelings clear because she was telling me last night that she's very homesick and torn between here and Darwin, so she may just end up deciding to move back anytime

edit - just re-read my earlier post thoroughly and even I can tell it was alcohol-induced rambling

 

Ditto.

 

You think? I don't know.


Whoever said relationships should be honest and open was out of their mind. I'm lucky she's still with me after that talk.

I'm not sure what to do...

 

On a sidenote I do have to say that I feel that more often than not sex is more trouble than it's worth...