Relationship Rant Thread #5

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Dammit, she likes me too.

 

uh, I think that was pretty obvious from your previous post when she started telling you that it sucked that "she didn't have anyone to have sex with that wasn't attached". Pretty big hintage and large fishing right there. I don't know if you followed my and DotW's exchange on your subject, but if you haven't you may want to read it, it may help give you some perspective.

@Aldazar

That sucks, but it'll be fine. Don't kick your own ass. DotW is right when he says that it's better to have remorse than regret. If you hadn't said anything and she ended up taking this new guy seriously, we'd all be listening to you kick your own ass about how if you'd said something before it got serious, you might've had a chance. Hindsight is ALWAYS 20-20.

About her not telling you about her love life for a while, don't take it personally. I understand your point of view when you say that the best way to try and "repair" this is to power on through and try and forget it happened. But its obviously going to be akward for her to talk about that stuff with you right now in light of recent events. Let it settle for a bit, don't try and tell her that "it's all good", if you act normal with her, eventually she'll realize that it is all good and she'll start talking about that stuff with you again.

@Dalveen

Don't worry about it. As DotW said, at least now you know. And at least you know enough to walk away. You'll bounce back, we always do.

 

I thought I'd be ok the next time I saw her actually but when I went over to work to get those cans of bourbon I drank myself sober with, one of the bar staff told me she was there playing the pokies and I just started shaking all over. Freaked me out big-time. I was better tonight though, her and her mum came in to play those infernal machines cos of some drama or other at home between her mum and kinda-step-dad (don't know if they're married or not) and when we ended up chatting after I fninished there were no visible traces of the shakes.

Worst thing was though they had to leave quickly and I could see she was almost in tears from worry for her mum, nearly brought me to tears for worry about her. Anyway, she shocked the hell out of me just as she was going and actually approached me for a hug. Something we've only exchanged once before and that was the night she arrived and surprised me last month. Still heaps worried about her...

I just don't know how or even if I CAN tell her about this latest shocking development with my recent ex being pregnant. I messaged her the day I found out to tell her I was freaking out big-time about something and she told me she wants to help me deal as best she can but I don't know...

 

@Enag. I have followed, and I found out why she wanted someone else. Ever since I told her how I felt, apparently all she's been able to do is think about me. Hence, she wanted to find someone else to take her mind off me. Problem is, she told me this.

 

Aldazar, it's plain and obvious to me that you don't like the kind of guy she goes out with... You wouldn't be calling him that without reason, so I guess you know who it is. Then, perhaps girls of the kind you like like guys of the kind you don't? Then maybe you like the wrong kind of girls? In my experience, many of the girls I liked liked guys that I certainly wouldn't chase if I were a girl myself.

 

Nah, it's not that at all chev, it's just the fact that she's going on a date with another guy, no idea who he is I'm just frustrated that it's not me

 

While being in the hospital all miserable, I admited my longtime friend I'm in love with her. For now, feedback from her is very positive

 

What the hell is going on here? I've just been chatting with a friend on IM and it seems SHE'S taken a liking to me, something to the effect that she took her display picture off so he wouldn't see what she looks like and start hitting on her cos she'd feel like she was cheating on me even though we're not together!

OMG, why does this happen?

 

That doesn't mean the date will work out. A date is not a wedding. On the other hand, if she's into some type of guy you find quite silly, then maybe she isn't really compatible with you?

Suppose you're a sad type and you like golf. She likes guys who are cheerful and play polo. You may be sad she picks one of those and not you, but ultimately, will a girl who likes energetic polo players enjoy a relationship with a melancholic golf player? Just an example.

 

What about this age thing? (inspired by RBP) What do you guys think is "acceptable"?

I personally think a whole lot depends on the two people involved. I wouldn't just throw away the possibility of being with someone because he's 10 years older. Younger is a different story, I guess. Perhaps a minimum age must be reached by both partners.

I guess it also depends on what you want out of life and on your personality.

 

Well, for me it's more about what I consider attarctive rather than appropriate. The general rule here being that I don't find the women who're about ten years or more older than me attractive anymore.

edit: I might consider dating a girl who'd be max 8 years younger than me, but then she'd have to be unusually mature for her age. So preferrably a little older, but not too old, or of about the same age I am thankyouverymuch...

 

Ha, so I inspire RRT discussion.

As I stated in RBP, a six-year gap theorically sounds too large. Physical age aside, there is also another variable that comes into play -- mental age. If this 18 has the mental age of a 21 year-old woman, for example, and we have a good connection, then I would seriously consider waiving the age difference and just go for it.

Realistically, the biggest age gap I had with an ex was four years. She did not felt her age, though - she felt like my own back then. There was some solid chemistry, and we got to know each other better, do stuff together, and the rest, they say, is a four-year slice of history. I can still remember her friends' face when she introduced me to them. Priceless.

I've never been with anyone older than I am, but if we bonded and had solid chemistry, then I definitively would consider it.

Bottom line is, we could talk long and wide about how big of an age gap we're comfortable with. It means absolutely nothing. There are too many variables involved to judge a possible relationship on age difference alone. Age remains but numbers. To me, it all boils down to the person's degree of evolution in life, and the spiritual connection.

 

Uytuun is right on all accounts. Just careful with relationships in which the man is significantly younger.

 

My girlfriend is almost eight years older than me.

 

How is it turning out?

 

Quite nicely. Maybe it's an old soul / young soul kind of thing, or whatever you want to call it, but it doesn't feel like there's a gap. I've come across people her age with whom it definitely feels like there's a gap - every other sentence starts with "When you get to this age..." and that sort of thing. There's none of that here.

I tend to agree with what DotW said above; every person has more aspects to them than just the number of years they've been around.

I am thinking ahead from time to time. I am aware that when I'm 32, she'll be 40 and so on. But this is too good to lose. Good in so many ways.

 

See you're planning it for the whole life? That's some news to make a day. Wish you luck with that.

Well, I for one, am against strictly formal limitations - strict age limits, income figures, political affiliations and so on. What matters is the way it affects the relationship between people - but yes, that matters.

 

So...a guy I know suggested grabbing a bite to eat together in the near future..now I'd love to if he doesn't have any ambitions for transcending the friends stage. We get along great and all. But lately I've been getting the impression he might be somewhat into me. This is a little weird because I thought he had a girlfriend (I was relatively sure). Or maybe he just values me as a friend...which would be great. Anyway, there is definitely no potential there, my heart lies elsewhere. I was just going to e-mail him that I'd love to, but as friends...that's not too crude, is it?

 

The girl I like is 27. I am 19. Go figure

 

Yea, it's too crude. You can let the fella know you're not interested without actually saying it. It's just signs. If you just come out and say it, you'll make him feel awkward. Or, he'll say he was never after you anyway, then you might feel awkward.