Relationship Rant Thread #5

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Ziad... if the concept works for you, then good on ya. I, however, do not buy the concept.

Meh, I somehow expected things to get a bit ugly. The turnaround - thanking me for the reality check - is the part I admit I never saw coming. She had enough common sense to realize I was doing the right thing it seems.

This common sense is a refreshing change, honestly.

 

No verboten lasses, thank you very much. If she's sworn to another man, I'm not interested. And I don't want unrequited love either.

 

I forgot to mention that in the Minne scenario the verboten girl loves back, and of course (ideally, idealistically) stayed true anyway.

Then, dear chevalier, you're not a true knight

 

Yeah, am back in Salamanca now and I loved Andalucia. Unfortunately, I seem to have used up all my cuts. One more missed class and I fail due to absences. Spring break on March 14-24 though. I'm planning to catch a couple of days of the Las Fallas festival in Valencia, a couple of Semana Santa in Sevilla and then a couple of days in Cordoba.

Met a couple of girls this weekend but none of them are in Salamanca, they're all in Barcelona or somewhere else. Aint it always the way

agreed.

DEFINITELY

 

Oh yeah.

 

I don't really think of it as a concept, more as a case by case basis. If you're both able to get over the fact you're no longer GF/BF, then there's nothing really standing in the way. If one of you is unable to do that however then that will definitely lead to problems.

 

Umm... I think I can actually agree with both of you at the same time. Yes, if both people are able to get over it, then there should be no problem. However, this rarely happens and sometimes you think it does but it doesn't. For this reason both of you are right.

Not like I would judge people for the way they sometimes can't deal with a sentiment, but harbouring such a feeling, even if keeping it from fruition, would preclude staying true.

A true knight was supposed to stay true to God as well. There's the sixth, you know, and the ninth.

 

Chev,
God gave love to man and woman. He also gave them the sacrament of marriage. Now if you were married, but loved someone else, you could do so nobly by sticking to your obligations while not suppressing love. And why would you want to deny or suppress something given to you by God? You could then (ideally) express your feelings through (depressive?) poetry and songs.

That is what Minne was all about - the unrequited love to an unreachable woman, that was unrequited because mutual honour forbade anything else. How could this possibly be sinful? As far as it constituted the idealisation of almost-marital-infidelity it was a thought crime, and taken for itself rather scandalous You ought to read the fabulous Barbara Tuchmann in 'The distant mirror'.

Now you probably wonder why Minne fell out of fashion at a certain point in history, and I think it is not without reason. It certainly wouldn't be my game.

 

Love as charity you wouldn't have to suppress. Love as eros, a desire for a total union including the sexual aspect, would be without a proper object in that instance, or rather with a wrong object since there would be an object, just impossible to attain. Sticking to obligations of marriage means not feeding the forbidden love of that kind, which is destructive to marriage. Also, disordered desires were not given by God and while depression is an illness, despair is a culpable state and hope is a virtue.

Sinful is not what is felt but the way it is dealt with. If your thoughts reach out to a married woman, you need to find a different thing to occupy them with.

I think you answer one of your questions above.

 

Ziad, your point makes sense.

However, trying to be friends with an ex after a recent breakup is just a self-imposed emotional rapture. Technically I suppose one could remain friends with an ex, but RIGHT after a breakup is a seriously bad idea. Unless emotional rapture's your thing, that is.

And as for me, got some bad news regarding a chick I digged -- she's got a bf now. Oh well.

Sorry 'bout your damn luck, DotW.

 

@DoTW: Sorry 'bout your damn luck. But I guess you'll bounce back in the ring even though you've taken a beating. Plenty of women in the world to fall desperately in love with..

Which brings me to the butterflies in my stomach considering the week-end. I wonder if we're on the same level on this. I'm game if she's game. Game on! *Wayne and Garth playing street-hockey link here* She's fun. Red-headed, freckled and has a sense of humour, which my previous girlfriend didn't have at all. That girl didn't know how to laugh, except perhaps when she was on something. I'm guessing she stopped laughing when she stopped taking drugs and that was wayy before I met her. Well, that was that and good wishes for the rest of her life...Anyways, this one though, well...with her and when I think about her I get this warm and fuzzy feeling all over, so I know it's not just lust I'm feeling for her...

...eh, who am I kidding...With my luck she's just looking for a regular youknowwhat...eh...bummer

 

Don't worry 'bout my damn luck, my brother. I will bounce back - I always do. As of right now, I just need a drink and a green cigar.

As for your own woes, my brother... take it easy. Take time to assess the situation. If the urges get too unbearable, then just use the ice in the pants trick or order some swedish pr0n DVDs, hell, anything to stamp the carnal urges out.

From what you tell, she definitively sounds like a good catch. Not the usual type I like, mind you, but a good catch nontheless.

Find out what's this all about and then decide the best course of action based on that would be my advice. You're completly free to do whatever you want with it, though.

 

Nah, no porn fer me thankee kindly. Don't want to be sucked into seeing the world from the porn perspective. Tends to blot out the romantic view. The same goes for friends with benefits with me. If the relationships based only on sex and not much else I find it a little too...dull for my taste.

It's not the urges. It's the anticipation of possibly breaking my heart. As sweet as the misery and pain of that happening is, I'm not too keen of having to go through that just yet.

She's not exactly the usual type I'd go for either, except for the red-headed freckleness of her, but the thing which attracts me is that she's not too shy. She actually made the initiative, meaning that she reached out for me, which I give major credit for not for the least that it's rather flattering, and she's not shy of asking me questions that would make a lot of guys squirm for the awkwardness of them. Straight talking, pretty and seems like a really nice girl. Ex-vegan, so she's gotten over of being too extreme and besides being mainly vegetarian and musical, she's interested of same kinds of thing as I am. Well, as an example, we're incidentally both reading a book by Oliver Sacks at the moment...

The major problem here is that it'll be a long-distance relationship and well, the other thing is that once I got into the taste of bachelor life it'll take a little adjustment to start a commitment with someone again...but I'd like to...with her I'd love to do just that...

 

Hee, she's cute when she snores...

 

Hey, I'm cute when I snore!

 

A song comes to mind...don't know the artist or many of the lyrics to be honest, just:

"It's all over now Baby Blue"

 

I'm sorry, Aldazar...

 

Thanks Uytuun...it was looking so promising too...she often told me she'd never been so happy to get even a simple text message, how she never felt quite right if we didn't talk each day even if just for a couple of minutes, how excited she was about coming to visit for my birthday...

And I felt the same, she immediately picked up on things about me that even people I have known in person for years never picked up on! And it really was the most amazing feeling talking with her in whatever way we were able, whether that be text messages, msn or messaging on Facebook...

She told me she felt so strongly about me that she would do everything possible from her end to make sure we had a future together, and now all of a sudden it's just gone.

Ohwell...time to go crawling back to the pregnant ex methinks...

 

The girl I was interested got cold feet (as well?), and she chickened out. Or something, maybe I was just reading her completely wrong, or hoping for too much once again. Now I feel so used. I'm starting to find getting really cynical rather tempting. Heck, it's even more than possible that the women are just playing with me for a while and then playing me for the fool that I am. Cheap and easy thrills. I should almost start charging cash for my affections.

 

Sounds like a damn good idea Iku...I seem to have the same problem so I'll be your first franchise offer!!