Relationship Rant Thread #5

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@Aldazar: Women sometimes change mind. Men too. Sometimes people aren't ready even for what they see as a good future. I could have a couple of theories here, but maybe let's just say I'm sorry to hear that and wishing you the best in the future - my theories won't help anything and they won't ease your headache over this either.

@Iku-Turso: Don't harden yourself or become cynical. Some people use other people and to an extent everyone uses other people. We just aren't perfect and some of us suffer the results. One girl hurt you, another will make you happy. There's no reason to have all of them pay for what one has done. Perhaps avoid falling for the same type of trickery in the future?

 

Ah it just give me the faecal matter that one minute she's all "can't get enough of me", using the L word for apparently the first time in her life, then suddenly it's "don't talk to me unless it's about how things are with your pregnant ex"
Who could possibly understand them...

 

@Aldazar: Well...the baby to be is yours right? I'd hate to say this but I might understand how your latest gf might feel. At least I'm not that surprised about her reaction...There might be something in the line of your latest ex getting the feeling that she's competing with a family to be in some sense. You've probably talked about the situation, but that doesn't help much, shucks, I don't know what would. Go crazy, move to a different country and ask this girl you're into to move with you. I know I'm pessimistic, but I'd think that it almost possible that she'd get back with you only if she'd see that there's no way that you're going back to your pregnant ex... just my it's not like I'd be a relationship guru...

@Chev: Well, we live and learn yet again. It turns out I was a little too rash with my judgement. She getting cold feet is just the way she is, so it's not exactly personal. She got further with me than she'd gotten with anyone else in a long time. Too bad that I seem to draw the women that have gotten somewhat damaged emotionally. No hard feelings though, could be worse. At least they're not manipulative and completely heartless. Well, at least this one wasn't...

 

Hmmm... to be a complete SOB or try and be a gentleman, such is the question...

 

@DotW

Depends on the type of girl this one is I think.

 

Gentleman. Always. Wish I always had been in everything I've done.

 

Even if that means being an hypocrite, saying stuff you don't even remotly think?

 

Well, things couldn't be going more smoothly right now.

And by smoothly, I mean rough sandpaper to the eyeballs.

We are in a major fight... I will give details once there is a conclusion.

 

@Iku: there are some major doubts as to the paternity...simply because we had been broken up so long at the likely time of impregnation, and by no means am I trying to cast aspersions on the character of the ex in question, I don't play that way, I simply mean that I have no idea what her personal life was like after she left me and I know it's not normally any of my business...

As for the most recent situation, we'd been through the whole set-up where I told her and she went off at me in a HUGE way, then realised she couldn't continue without me...and we worked through it and apparently came out the other side much stronger...until something at her end made her feel she was being too selfish by wanting so badly to be with me no matter what it took...

No matter, she's done her damage now, I'm trying to keep the friendship going but I just don't see how it's gonna work for me, too much emotional pain and no idea how to tell her cos she doesn't want to hear about it

 

Being a gentleman means saying true things in a polite way. Otherwise it's probably better not to speak. Easier said than done, of which I've been a prime example at times.

 

I have two choices:

1- I play the lying A-hole, blatatantly lie by wish her all the happiness of the world.

2- I show my true colors and true stance on that, I hurt her and lose a friend.

I happen to value this gal's friendship. She also happens to be part of my small circle of friends I have in this stinking hole called Quebec. While I could care less about telling the entire truth to someone and hurt them in the process... this is an exception.

You know what? I think I'm just gonna shut my damn mouth and say nothing. I'll just pound metal sheets into submission to vent what I feel, and hopefully make something creative out of the damn sheets.

 

@Aldazar: Hoy, I do hate it when there's trouble at her end...waitaminit(you pervs)...I meant when there's trouble in the girls past which comes haunting to her doorstep. That's the story and the end of almost all of my relationships so far...

 

Don't take it out on metal sheets, though that's better than taking it out on people. Option #2 is based on the presumption that you will lose her as a friend if you tell her the whole truth. I don't know if that's true. Maybe it is, maybe it is not, but it's definitely a presumption and presumptions are often assessments rather than facts, as it seems to be in this case. I'm not urging you to try and see where it goes, but definitely don't lie to her, even if you don't need to describe the state of your feelings in detail to her. There are certain things which you can keep private and there's no lie in that.

And don't you wish her happiness? Say the wishes in such a way that is true and still warm and friendly. Keep your conscience clean, but do wish her happiness, since that's what you obviously want to do.

 

Right, so I should smile warmly while telling her that I hate this moron and if he crosses my path just once, I'll rear naked choke the idiot until he bleeds from the mouth and passes out?

This guy is an A-hole, plain and simple. She's doing a HUGE mistake, so I should wish her the best of luck on her mistake?

I'm keeping my mouth shut and I'm not getting involved, period.

 

She's so lovely, she's sooooo lovely. Geez! Banana Banana Banana!

I'm not a strong believer in love at first sight, but now I jsut might stand corrected. Saw her last night and asked her phone number. Well, duh, she didn't give it (her words being in the lines of "that's some pretty fast action, straight to business, huh"), and didn't take mine, but said that she'd continue partying in a different place and asked me to go with her but when I said I couldn't she said that what a shame and that she'd be working in this art gallery tomorrow (meaning this day, this saturday). So I went to see her. And we just chit-chatted of this and that, what we do for living, what our interests are and that sort of thing.

Ok, with me so far? In any case she told that she'd be working on sunday as well at the same place I said that I could come and see her tomorrow as well and she said that it'd be fine and that it would be indeed and when we parted she asked if I'd actually come to see her tomorrow and I confirmed that I would and I already had asked her to go with me and see this play in a theatre on next weeks saturday and she thought about it for a while and then she said yes!!!

Happy happy, joy joy!!!!

 

@DotW: If the guy is bad for her, by all means warn her. Don't have to pretend you like him.

@Iku-Turso: Such things fade with time, sometimes quickly. Hmmm... and it looks like you have quite a respectable lady there.

 

@Chev: Indeed. Very respectable. That's why nothing's going to happen.

Ohh, how many times must one tear himself apart and rip his heart from his chest before one's heart grows cold? Once again I find myself to be a hopeless romantic, emphasis on the hopeless.

Once again I fall for someone who is "kind of seeing someone else" and as the gentleman I try to be, I'm forced to give up my heart's desire again.

Perhaps we might meet again. I dare only hope, but it will be different then. Such beautiful moment we shared. Just a single kiss for goodbye. If only's all I have; if only I would have met her before, but now the time was not right and maybe that kiss was wrong as well. The temptation to be in the wrong was so very strong. The temptation to be more foolish, to tear everything apart. But as said, she's very respectable, I would not wish her harm, I want her to be happy, so I had to give in, but a part of me wants her to be miserable and look me up so that we could be miserable together because of doing something very wrong.

Another one of "love will tear us apart again" and "if loving you is wrong, then I don't want to be right"...

Such is life, beautiful and so very tragic. Do forgive me for being overly theatrical right now.

 

Why is nothing going to happen if she's respectable? Nothing of "that kind" will happen, but can't something much better happen instead? With a less respectable lady, you can have a delightful moment - and I'm not sure about "delightful" here. With a more respectable one, you can have a delightful life. And I'm sure about "delightful" here.

I'm not telling you that's your future bride. I'm just telling you it's the kind of girl you marry.

Are you saying she's with someone, while kissing with you?

 

Chev,
'delightful' is in the eye of the beholder, and I find it very sympathetic that you are so consistent in your views on that. My own view is that abstinence is overrated. And I sharply disagree with the view that women who choose to have sex before marriage are not respectable.

I am still caught in my carnival sparrow-pigeon dilemma, and being single I can choose between instances of each variant of delightful. Both prospects are realistic. To be honest I do want to have my cake and eat it too, but I know I shouldn't, or rather, I don't want to. Bleh.

There is this little voice giving me practical advice that my über-ich rejects

 

Ragusa, I will not get into an argument about which woman is respectable and which is not because theoretical examples can easily be debunked by "what if she..." kind of arguments. This is because respectable people can have flaws. I'd rather consider the whole of a person and not just a single aspect. Even then, I'd rather not judge. Certain traits are respectable, certain others are not. Everyone has a bit of both. The balance says something about the person's current state of personal growth. If the person is into random sexual encounters, that person needs to grow up a bit. The person may still be respectable on other grounds, but that trait itself is not respectable.

We both know that you want a respectable lady to marry.