Relationship Rant Thread #5

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Well, I got caught in the middle of a fight between my housemate and her bf tonight. My name popped a couple of times. Oops.

 

Aldazar,
as far as infatuation is concerned, so sings the fabulous Funny van Dannen: "... I thought I was in love, I was happy, but then I found out it was just ... hypothyroidism, hypothyroidism, hypothyroidism ..."

What a song

 

Hey, it's the season of people being pissed off at me... First there was my "friend" and her A-hole, now it's my housemate's bf turn to be POed at me. Considering what I've done, I deserve it.

I'm digging it - if one of them ever pisses me off, I'm opening a big old can of whoopa** on those two sorry SOBs.

 

Hah, sparrow called back, and now it's up to me to choose between sparrow, pigeon and hummingbird. All three are pretty - sparrow is hot, hummingbird is very funny, and pigeon is just fabulous. What am I getting myself into? I don't want to give a shot at juggling and so I'll have to make a decision sooner rather than later.

 

Okay I need some advice, though I loath to ask people on the matter of heart .

Some time ago I had my eyes on this lass at the summer job I went, she seemed genuinely interested and as far as I recall she was quite nice. When we finally settled a date for, well a date she back off at the last minute, saying she had too much homework. Now about a couple of hour ago I receive an electronic mail from her, on how she wants news from me, how she missed me and to congratulate me on my University admission (I gotta stop shouting thing in msn and the like).

What the hell should I do? Maybe I'm just desperate for human companionship. If possibler I'd appreciate input from both sexes to you know, gather more info?

Meeeeh.

 

Stun her.

Oh, wait, you want advice. Hook up with her and go with the flow is what I say.

My housemate is now officially single. Her former idiot busted a fuse because of me, for a reason I do not quite understand. Meh, I don't give a crap anyway.

Time to party like it's 1999!

 

I might want to give a shot at juggling...or no...not really...

Met yet another smashing hippie girl last weekend (didn't even kiss her, but we played funny games, slept next to her, but nothing more incriminating happened, well not much... ) and passed by the lovely hipsterchick I met few weeks back or so. Saw a picture of the hippies boyfriend and saw the guy the hipsterchick's "kind of dating". They kissed. I wasn't jealous. I wanted to meet her. Missed her by seconds as she took the tram. Doesn't matter, but it made me wonder what is it with these girls who fall in love with the kind of hippie scumbags that the guys these girls are dating seem to be...

 

Sounds like she genuinely couldn't meet you. And now she's interested in how you're doing. Doesn't sound bad. It's only a good thing if she's disciplined enough to back off from social plans when school demands so. However, be careful. I suggest you keep mindful not to lose your mind for her. Don't go off guard too much. Don't do anything stupid. Don't do anything you might regret. And so on. In short: patience and sobriety.

@Iku-Turso: Hippie girls seem to be falling for hippie guys in your life, wonder much? And don't let yourself get involved with a girl who already has someone. "Not much incriminating," already sounds worrying. It's no good for you, chasing some girl who has divided loyalties at best, an undecided mind at worst.

 

Yeah, I kinda forgot one small detail the last time I spoke to her (not considering yesterday) was in December, about 10ish day before Christmas.

 

That's quite a long while ago. Many things may have happened by now. I suggest being somewhat aware of this. But don't make it too tense. Maybe you can get away with it without turning her attention to the fact it's been long and maybe you're to blame for that timespan.

 

@DotW: I would actually go for her based on what you said, except I learned just yesterday (ouch) that she has a boyfriend. Guess I'll have to bide my time...

 

Oooh, this is gonna be weird for me to say stuff here, lol.

Alright so there was this girl that I used to fancy (as some like to say) last year, which is to say my Junior year of high school (her Freshaman). I wasn't infatuated really in any sense of the word, but I also didn't have feelings for any other girl at the time. I never really tried to go for it then, because from my view she was out of my league and when she could pretty much choose a suitor, why would she choose me (that's pretty much the story of my life). Alright, that's all well and normal until she moved to Los Angeles in February for the rest of the semester, which naturally made us drift apart even more (we were sorta friends, lol).

That's where this gets more complicated, because now with the girl I liked out of all imaginal possibilities, I started to notice another girl. The girl in question was a bit of a mystery to me, and I suppose that's why I was so entranced by her. She's really sweet, but she's also painfully shy, which for me should be a real turn-off, but the mystery is that it wasn't. And better yet I seemed to discover her before anyone else started to develop feelings for her, so I felt that I had a chance (yes!). I then made a goal, or even a promise to myself, that this would be the girl I'd take to my school's Homecoming dance. So I tried to make her notice me a little bit and it seemed to be working, we had a very slight friendship (like not hanging out type, but occasionally talk) by the end of the school year (June) and I was feeling good about my prospects. I was feeling pretty good about this and over the summer I continued to try to talk to her.

The next school year came around and with it my previous fancy came back from California. I was feeling pretty good about the year, because I thought I had made some headway with the newer apple of my eye, but apparently it was not so. Any friendship we had seemed to have disappeared, she would not talk to me much and always seemed to be avoiding me... but not to be deterred I kept on trucking

(In the meanwhile my previous fancy had our friendship back to where it had been - average friend type stuff, lol)

I asked the girl I now liked to our homecoming dance and was painfully rejected, but that was no problem, I just moved my goal to getting her to go to prom with me. Flash forward with me another few months, and it's time for me to ask the girl to go to prom with me. My confidence was not high as all year I struggled to get back to where I was with the girl, but never managed to do so... and worse yet, other guys had noticed her (doom for me!). I then decided I needed help and formed a group of trustees (lol) whom I collaborated with in planning a method to get the girl to go to Prom with me. One of the 'trustees' was the girl from earlier, who I had now become good friends with (better than before) and engaged in helping me with plenty of enthusiasm. Over the process of this we became close friends, to the point that she was one of my best 'female friends.' We even agreed to go to prom with each other if my attempt in asking the other girl to prom failed.

We got to the point that I was feeling good about my chances with the girl, a few planted words and ideas gave me hope. So it came time to ask her to prom, and I did so with the innovative thinking of my group and... rejection, merciless rejection (well not merciless she was nice about it). It was now, 10 months after I began to like the girl, with little or no headway that I decided it was time to give up. For I was to move on to college the next year and she'd be a senior, and although I'd be going to school 15 miles away, there was little chance of the situation improving.

As I said me and my former interest had become close friends, and now I was going to go to prom with her. During this time I had began to 'like' her again (to fancy, lol) so it was really terrible that I wouldn't be going to prom with the other girl. And as I started to give up on the other girl, my feelings for the one who I actually was friends with came back stronger than before (probably because we were close now).

Now to current stage, over the past month (since the previous events) I have become as friendly with my now (again) current interest as I have with any girl (almost). I would try to make a move again, but my feelings of unworthiness (why would she choose me?), combined with how much I confided in her about my feelings for the other girl (how much I liked her) makes moving forward difficult. Combine this with my 'don't want to ruin a good thing' (our friendship) attitude and I'm in a kind of strained state of mind with the girl. Normally I would wait it out, but as I am graduating this year (2+ months), I feel this is my last chance and that I have to do something. When this I need to do something now was confronted with her younger sister (whom I am friends with too) telling me that the girl didn't want a boyfriend at the moment made things worse.

So really, I am once again in a situation where I can't win. The one girl who I have feelings for doesn't want a boyfriend now, but I cant really wait any longer. Combine this with the fact that she'd be confused about where my feelings for the other girl went and it is another bad situation for my chances.

Hope I was clear and articulate in this book... I think I may have made things more difficult by not relying on names for the girls, but I wasn't feeling up to it. I'm not really asking for advice, I just felt like typing out an update of the last year plus or so of my (wanted) relationship status... Or for a short summary of that time, 'single, with no end in sight.'

Edit: I know it's mostly trivial high school stuff and not serious, but hey, it'd be nice to have something work out

 

Tough situation, mate.

This (taken) chick uber-magnet advice is whip your own a**, take this last chance and tell her, or you'll be stuck with those unspoken feelings, and trust me, this is NOT a pleasent thing to be stuck with.

As for me, remember the long term VS casual dating debate a few pages ago? I've experienced something that has tipped the balance big time - and I mean BIG time.

Not a fun situation to be in. Try and get what you feel for her off your chest when the moment's right -- living with unspoken feelings is one of the worst pains in the A.

 

I'm comforting hawk in a breakup and she told me that, even though pigeon is one of her best friends, I shouldn't feel guilty about the apparently visible attraction between me and hummingbird. Now how is that to be understood?

 

ChickenIsGood, do not place vain hopes in a few isolated words or behaviours. Either she likes you or not and the best way is often to ask her directly. Now, being direct is coarse if it's not warranted, so you may want to develop some form of friendship before... besides, it's not like you know the girl until you've been friends for a while.

At any rate, I see your confidence is a bit low. True that - some girls are worth being fought for, but usually and in most situations, you need reciprocation. Eventually no relationship will ever develop without reciprocation. Recriprocation cannot be begged out of a girl. What I'm saying is find someone who returns your feelings, not a girl who "painfully rejects" you.

Your former interest is quite humble in agreeing with you that she will go out with you if you fail with the other girl. What does this mean? First, she isn't going with anyone. Second, she would go with you. Contrast this with girls who will disdain you because you showed weakness in developing a soft spot for them. Even if she doesn't want you, her company as your friend is worth more than romantic moments with girls who don't even begin to respect you.

If she doesn't want any boyfriend now, that's quite sensible. You're at a young age, at which people used to be already married and have children quite a while ago, but not really now, not any more. This doesn't necessarily mean you're not ready for it, although the probability is quite high. Those are formative years, where you discover what you like, what you want in life, what you want to do, where your goals lie. Before you know that, it's a bit hard to decide which woman you want to commit to. At the same time, it's also difficult to tell if you two will be good matches for each other when the time comes that you know where you are in life. And where you are going. Where you're going is important since you'll be making that journey together.

This said, take the most out of the current moment. Don't turn your head after a girl who doesn't like you, don't spill your guts out for one that doesn't even try to be polite, don't go after anyone who thinks himself better than you. Your former interest treats you as her equal or a bit higher (it used to be a matter of politeness to treat your equals a noth higher than yourself, in the times past), which at least makes it worth investing yourself in.

 

@DotW: I would take your advice and just get it over with, except...another hurdle has just appeared! (Seriously, I feel like I'm in the dungeons of Durlag's Tower) Apparantly one of the other guys in the same group as she and I has a thing going on with her . They haven't said anything, but all the others are going like "They're spending so much time together" and stuff like that. Now if this were true, this is like the ultimate challenge... wish I had a humongous drink in front of me right now...

 

Don't worry and don't sink your sorrows in alcohol, either. If you love her, be happy that she is happy. If you don't love her, let go.

I would say that at some point you would find someone who loved you the same as you did him. I won't, because one can never actually have such certainty, however, it's very likely. Almost everyone does. Just wait for your turn. Wait doesn't mean wait passively, but you don't have to take it so hard.

 

S***, talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place, Kenixkil...

Forget the booze, bide your time. If things don't work out, oh well, there are other woman out there.

So Sayeth the taken chick uber-magnet.

 

Yeah...not much else I can do in this situation. I guess I'm taking it harder than I should be just cause this is like the second time this has occured since I got into college (even the chain of events was the same). Kinda thinking that I have incredibly bad luck or bad choice of girls to fall for...

And I can't even get a drink easily because of the American drinking age limit...wish I were back in Korea

 

Man, you want to talk about bad luck? I attract taken chicks like a supermagnet attracts mountains of scrap metal. Oh yeah, and 99.9% of the time, they're not just taken, they're involved with friends of mine.

Put me in a place with a bunch of single chicks, not a single one will give a flying F about me. Swap the single chicks in favor of taken chicks, and BAM, suddenly, I'm hot stuff and they're all over me.

Most of the time I avoid a complete disaster, but I'm directly responsible for my housemate parting ways with her bf (for a reason I'm not telling here)... and I'm also responsible for the friction between two chicks who are the best friends of the world.

Yup, sucks to be me...