Relationship Rant Thread #5

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Thanks for the offer, my brother, but that's not gonna happen. The topic of spawning descendance has already been brought up and she hates the idea as much as I do - the way we both said HELL NO at the exact same time was even more funny.

We've been through and through on the subject, and both of us have made a choice - an incredibly selfish one to those who are pro-descendence - and that choice is to focus on our own lives, on our passions, on doing what we like. Life is already short enough, so why would I put nearly two decades of own life in the backburner in order to raise descendence? She has a big family, a lot of brothers and sisters. They can take care of preserving the lineage. On my mother's side, the lineage is on the verge of extinction, and trust me, it's better this way. I have three cousins who can take care of continuing the lineage if it so pleases them -- I want no part of it.

She and I take things one day at a time, no fancy plans and stuff like that. I don't know how long we're gonna be together, but with or without her, I plan on living my life to the fullest.

If my choice to focus on my life offends some pro-descendance minds... then I got two words for ya.

 

Oooh, congrats, Disciple!...looks like you're quite compatible and you seem to approach it in a "healthy" way...no kids is as valid a choice as any IMO.

 

Well, I won't lie to you that I do have some pressure form my family to spawn descendance, but in the end the choice is mine and I won't be forced to do something I do not want only to please my family. Same goes for my honeykitten - I couldn't help but to (subtly) roll my eyes when the in-laws subtly nudged her that they wanted a grandson/granddaughter.

Why is it so hard for them to stick the fact that neither of us wants to spawn descendence in their thick skulls?

And as for living things one day a time, one lesson life taught me is not to get too excited and build huge plans for the future. Life can do a total 180 in a record time, so it's better to live and appreciate each day as it comes.

 

Disciple, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that you could be referring to 'descendants', rather than 'descendance'.

 

You didn't give your inlaws the two choice words?

 

Well those of you who know me will know I am getting married. Well I'm not any more. My boyfriend has decided he wants to shag around and live like a teenager for the rest of his life, and (8 months into a relationship I might add) decided he is not ready for commitment. He wants to "Live on his own and enjoy life". Translation: Start his own STD collection.

In a nutshell, I'm devastated. This is the first time I've ever really been in love, and the first proper relationship I've ever had, and I turn 23 in a week. I really and honestly overcame my doubts and fears and let myself believe this was it, the real deal, the guy I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Apparently not.

On the upside, I gave up a lot of things for him, and I have every intention of taking them back up again. My rats are in dire need of some attention, and I haven't smoked weed in *ages* so when he comes home tonight (I am allowing him to stay here till Friday) the whole house will be a smokescreen. Or shortly after at least. Also he can damn well take that hideous rug with him. Then we get the fun of dividing up what's who's. That will be fun, because everything is mine, and virtually nothing is his. Defensive vindictiveness is such a pleasure.

Seriously though, I'm not gonna be fun for a while. In fact I'd venture to say I might very well be a bit of an ass so if I upset anyone I apologise in advance. I might sound like I'm dealing with this very well, but it is a thin veneer, and I may lash out unexpectedly so if it is you that gets the brunt of it then I am profusely sorry.

 

Damn Urith. I'm sorry for you mate! You're a very genuine fella and deserve the best. Good luck with it all, hope you're back on track soon. I know you're gonna feel crap whatever anyone says, but I will say it's probably better that this came out now, and not after you're married..

All the best bro'!

 

If you'd like someone to bust his kneecaps, you can always turn to me (as I know you're never going to take me up on that offer). Not likely to happen though, but news like that makes me feel that someone might deserve some retribution. So that makes it not good news. Not good at all.

Uri, you can count on it that in this, my feelings are with you.

 

Damn, Uri. Sorry to hear that.

I'll rent you a kick-boxer cousin of mine for Iku's knee offer if you like. Success guarantied.

The guy acted like a moron and you don't need him in your life. Vent out all you need. I for one wont mind.

/me offers boxing gloves to Uri and hangs a bag near by

Knock yourself out, or knock him out, whatever you prefer.

I wish you all the best, with all my heart.

 

This may not be as sympathetic as you may be wanting just now, Uri, but I personally agree with BA. While I do feel bad that your marriage will not be happening, it is best that it has come out right now and not after the ceremony. Can you imagine the problems his feelings would cause later on if he had got married?

22-23 is still rather young- assuming he is of similar age, I would be doubtful that his feelings are all that uncommon. Marriage is a very final step, especially when you are barely into your adult years and I guess the inevitable second thoughts were a bit too much for him. You've still plently of time to find someone else (hollow words, I know). Until then, I'd take up Loreseeker's offer of boxing gloves and vent some anger out.

I hope you recover before too long.

 

Sorry to hear about that Uri. On the upside the guy is a moron, and once you've bounced back you'll be rid of him and free to pursue your quest for the real deal!

 

I discovered many things today after he told me we were splitting. Several of my friends came forward with rumours they'd heard and things they'd seen that they hadn't wanted to mention for fear of seeming like they were trying to split us up. It would appear he has told me more than one lie. It is an extremely painful experience having the veil of ecstacy removed to discover a pit of lies and deceit. Until this morning I was in heaven and madly in love. The rug was ripped out extremely quickly. This will take quite some time to recover from i fear.

 

I'm sorry to hear about this, Uri. But Decados is right - better to find out about this now rather than after you're married, particularly in light of what your friends have told you. It's not much consolation, but it sure sounds like you're better off without him.

Time heals all wounds.

 

It is good to know I have good friends behind me. I am glad this is out in the open, it means I can start the healing process earlier. And by the sounds of it, the healing process would start sometime, regardless of whether we were married or not. I am very sad to admit it, but apparently this relationship was doomed to fail, I was just too blind and/or naive to see it.

 

Whatever.

Nope. They like me, which is a rather unusual thing, so for the moment, I've no reason to be an ass to the in-laws.

After the blissful happiness of the first weeks, I dodged my first shotgun slug today.

My cat was playing around in my room with an aluminum ball, and the said ball ended up under my bed. My honeykitten went to fetch the ball, and stumbled upon something I didn't even knew was down there -- lingerie. Needless to say, she wasn't exactly a happy camper, and I don't blame her, I mean, how is a woman supposed to react when finding lingerie that doesen't belong to her under my damn bed?

My housemate pulled my arse out of the fire and told her that black lingerie belongs to hers, and it's really hers. Now my honeykitten thinks my housemate's my ex, and that I lied to her by failing to mention that "fact", which is, a big load of crock as I have NEVER been involved with my housemate -- well, not as a love relationship.

Now my gf won't hear a word of what I have to say, and I'll have to wait till she cools down to settle this situation. And I hate to have this situation rattling in my brain non-stop -- it's killing me, and even more so because it's a big misunderstanding.

*EDIT* And Uri, sorry to hear that, mate. As for being too naive/blind... love can do that, so don't blame yourself. If you learn from the experience, it was worth going through it.

 

F**king hell! Here I go again.

I met this women about two years ago. She's a "Gamer Chick", meaning she's into RPG's, computer games and the like. (Sounds perfect, eh? )

Over the last several months I noticed I'm developing a crush on her. Considering that I didn't find her attractive when we first met, I was quite surprised about that. Considering my lack of experience in these matters, I cannot deal with it. It doesn't help that I see her on a weekly basis (she's in my gaming group). Also, I'm absolutly unclear if she is in a relationship. I'm even unsure about her sexual orientation. She's talking about a female "friend" sometimes, but I don't know if she means just "friend" or "girlfriend". German language is quite ambiguous here.

If the situation wasn't so sad, it would be so ridiculous I'd laugh about it. I'm absolutely at a loss here. I don't expect any help (I'm not sure anyone could help me), I just wanted to write this down somewhere.

 

Talk to her and find out if she's already taken, without actually asking the question. Ask her what she did over the weekend, 'oh yeah, who did you go there with?' etc. and you'll soon be able to gauge whether or not she's got a fella. Then speak to some more, and eventually ask her out for a drink, or cinema etc. If you don't get anywhere, then balls to her and move onto the next one! At least you tried!

 

Nah, ask me instead. I take a sadistically morbid pleasure in those kind of things.

A follow-up regarding the situation with my gf...

I woke up this morning to find a note from my housemate on the table, saying "I got you into this mess, and I'll get you out of it. --C."

I'm not exactly sure what my housemate told my gf, but she called me an hour or so ago... she said she had a chit-chat with my housemate, and apologized for overreacting, but told me to understand her position about finding lingerie under my bed.

Things are cool now, and there doesen't seem to be any damage done, so I can breathe a sigh of relief now. She's coming over tonight, so we'll spend a bit of quality time together, which I'm looking forward to.

 

That's not selfish at all. The wife and I feel that you should do whatever you want before you even think about having kids...because once they pop out, your time/energy/money belongs to them for the next 18 years.

That sucks Uri. Sorry to hear that.

Also...DotW - Did you ever find out how her lingerie got under your bed?

 

Do I have to draw it out for you, genius? I whacked the pinata with her a few times before I got involved with my current gf. This is likely a forgotten remain of one such time...

Actually, this was a sarcastic jab at Harbs.