Relationship Rant Thread #5

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I'm in the worst kind of bind relationship wise, but I just want to say (by way of a rant) that the entire frigging social system that we have in the Western world is totally slanted to favor the women. No matter WHAT we do her friends will find some way to tell her that it was wrong and "abusive", which is a highly overused word. "Daring to tremulously voice a contrary opinion" is now equated with "slappin' the ho down".

If we criticized the women as much as they criticize us, they'd have us on Dr. Phil so fast your head would spin.

Looks like I'm gonna be single for a LONG time!

 

Ain't that the truth, LKD. Just look at all the television commercials where the man is portrayed as the bumbling fool only to have the woman chime in with her infinite wisdom and knowledge to save the day.

 

Countdown 1h 20' till date. I haven't been as nervous since my last exam but I'm in a much better mood

 

Rags, falling in love?

 

I don't like this 'very tight with her thighs = nice girl' attitude that some here seem to have. I know plenty of girls who if you chat the right way you'll get into bed no problem. Good lookers too. And they're really, really nice girls. If you met them you'd be smitten. Real charmers and really nice lasses, they'd do owt for you. Buy you drinks, give you lifts, give a shoulder to cry on when you need it. Real nice girls. Just not extremely frigid.

 

Sex is not a friendly service.

 

My thoughts exactly.

Casual sex gives me the creeps. Sex it's something special that should be shared with someone just as special.

 

Sex is just a pleasurable act between two people. That's all it is. Don't put it up there on a big pedestal. As I say, I know some proper dickheads, but I also know some really great people, men and women. Someone really has to be spot on to win my seal of approval, I don't give it out easy! But I know some really sound people, they just don't think of sex as some high-and-mighty expression of pure love (if there is such a thing).

 

She left for San Francisco last Monday.

I've never been much of a crier and nobody ever accused me of being sentimental, romantic or mushy. Moday night I drank with some friends and I finished 2 bottles of wine and around 6-8 beers on my own. Tuesday night we split 3 cases of beer and a couple of wine bottles between 6 of us. Wednesday night it was a case between 2 of us. Last night was the only night that I tried to sleep sober and I couldn't get any real rest.

I know that it's probably harder for her because she's making a new start there and has all the pressure of a new, unexplored environment, adapting to a different lifestyle and the stress of finding a job right away and many other things. Whereas it's easier for me because I have all my friends and family and comforts of home.

But every place I go to here, I'd been to with her. I feel her echoes everywhere. I sat down near a pool in a club we used to spend a lot of time at this morning and my eyes got heavy and I couldn't breathe. I hear a particular song by chance and the same thing happens.

It's nothing overt, not an obvious thing, but it feels like everything has changed. Food I once loved still tastes the same, but at the same time, not. A similar feeling with shows that I used to like. I don't feel "empty" or anything like which they describe in books. Just that something, I don't know what, is missing.

I just need her to be okay. I can deal with my own problems if things go well for her there. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I was the one who said we had to break up. I wanted to try and stay together but I guess I'm too much of a realist. There's no way a long-distance relationship with an uncertain time-frame of years (before we'd even see each other again) could work. Its harder to execute plans based on logic in practice than theory though.

We were together for over 5 years and had been going out for maybe over 6. I don't think anybody expected us to last as long as we did. We were as different in interests and temperament as much as 2 people could be. Yet we were the longest-lasting relationship among both our respective groups of friends and the only couple save one other to break under these circumstances. But I'd rather endure this pain and make a clean break of it rather than try long-distance and wait for a 3rd party to make it easier for us to end it by inserting anger into the equation. It's so easy to leave in anger but so hard to walk away from something that you're content in.

I still love her. I just need her to be okay, and I know I'll be okay. It's so hard to breathe. We were 16 then. Now I'm almost 23. My first kiss, my first girlfriend, my first love, my first everything. There were some rough times along the way and one particularly bad time, but I regret nothing, except that I wish I had been sweeter, but it's not in my nature. And I hope I let her know just how much she means to me in my words but I just find it so hard to talk about any feelings except those most easily explained: anger and happiness. But I hope she knows.

 

I used to think of sex as a pure expression of love between two people who care for each other more than anyone else in the world. Look where that got me. The B**** took me for a ride and I lost everything.

Now, I get what I can when I can and I really don't give a damn about anything or anyone anymore.

 

Okay, big question here brought on by quite a bout of reflection...

Is there an 'easy way' so to speak to get over a degree of commitment phobia? See, I've come to the conclusion that almost all of my relationship problems stem from the fact that once the 'honeymoon' period ends and the physical intimacy dies down a touch I tend to lose interest in the actual relationship if not the woman in question. I mean I still care deeply about a few of my exes but not to the point that I would want to get back together with any of them. Though to be completely honest a part of me is a bit selfish in that I don't like the idea that they may be in a relationship with someone else. And for fire-truck's sake I turn 31 tomorrow!! How bad is that to be like this at my age when I should have matured beyond this point?

Basically, what has brought this all to a head right now is that once again I'm in a relationship where the shine came off long ago and I've not been as happy as I (perhaps unreasonably) expected I would be and we've had the discussion about how I'm paying child support now for 2 kids and I can't envision myself having anymore at all, though I can't guarantee I won't want more down the track, yet she wants one now.

I just feel like I should be more emotionally stable to the point where I don't get sick of being with the one person so quickly and be 'distracted' by other women so easily

 

About casual sex I say this: I used to think that sex was just sex, a bit of fun and not much else. I was wrong. I guess I could say that those who think that sex is just a bit of fun don't know how to make love.

@Aldazar: Try to learn to want in a different way. Try not to be towed by your desires. Set a goal for yourself and don't get distracted. And how not to get distracted? What makes you distracted? How do you act and feel when these distractions come along? Is it the feeling of that situation that you want, or something else?

 

Aldazar, bonds between people create such things that new attractions can't even aspire to.

 

Perhaps in this situation it could also be a 10-year age gap? Either way, I've tried to change my thought patterns and behaviour with each new relationship but never really managed much of a satisfactory result. I have managed to delay the onset of my dissatisfaction but never for very long

 

what's wrong with girls, dammit!

signal yes, or signal no, but don't give both to several guys at the time because i'm not that good at reading them right now, ARG!

 

I'm sort of depressed atm. Last week's date was as they say 'a shot in the oven', to use a false friend. As I got myself seriously emotionally invested that's less than great. As if that isn't enough, my sister started behaving as if she is my girlfriend. I am not going to tolerate that.

It started last week when I told her that I don't have time because I had that date. She is bitching around ever since, peaking yesterday when I went to her place because she asked me to fix her internet. She had a tearful outburst and I got angry and left.

And we'll both be home at my parent's tomorrow where I can't evade an inevitable, exhausting and lengthy tirade that has been brewing since yesterday evening. Fan-tas-tic. Can't wait to get home.

 

I've had the latter part for the past 6 years. Now I'm looking for the former. Urg, first girl that I start flirting with after coming out of a long serious relationship turns to be what we call "a true player for real".

 

Enagonios, let's read the basic signal in it: several guys. That gives you all the signals you need: the girl is not quite into monogamy. Or she can't make up her mind and wants a bit of all. Either way, she's okay with making moves on several guys at a time. May I say pass?

 

Well at this point in time, I'm actually just looking to have a good time and not anything serious, particularly since I'm leaving for Spain right after the New Year.

But you're right chev, this girl is what they call a "true player for real" haha. I guess I'll send her a text message or something sometime next week, seeing if she wants to hang out or something, but I'm no longer really expecting anything to happen. Damn shame too, she's kinda cute. And a hell of a dancer hehe.

Anyway, went to a party last night and got really drunk. kinda made an ass of myself by hitting on a girl that didn't reciprocate haha but it's all good. after 6 years, I've gotta keep at it until my skills improve haha.

 

I just broke up with my girlfriend. Sucks. Things were going a little too fast I guess and she got cold feet, heck maybe I did too. I still love her so much, but that's not enough. It might even be too much since she's too afraid of the commitment. The funny thing here being that as she does want a serious relationship, she might be too afraid for who knows how long to commit into anything with anybody.

I guess I have to blame myself as well, I won her over with my words, but I just didn't have what it takes to keep that relationship going. Because it takes two, and she wasn't up to it even though I got her charmed for a while. And I did mean every last bit of what I said, I caught myself surprised at some of the things I blurted out, but I meant every damn bit of it. And the things she blurted out, that stuff just can't be taken lightly either. Then we just got cold feet and I just can't keep her warm anymore. The end.