Relationship Rant Thread #5

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End of next week. I'll be back with her by te end of next week. I just have to hang on for a few days.

 

Can you believe that even though I live 30 minutes away from my old place, I *somehow* managed to bump in my hou-- no, let me rephrase that - former housemate?

I had to go to the shopping mall because of some stuff I needed for the apartment (new dishes, glasses and stuff like that), so I brought my friend with me (you know, the female version of me), and once we were done with the shopping, we then went to a chinese restaurant to grab a bite. (of course I dropped the stock in my truck prior to going to the restaurant)

Just as we were leaving, surprise, look who we bump into. She then stared me down coldly (which I returned) and then had some choice words for my friend, who, being as agressive and with a take-no-s*** attitude, lashed back at her. It even went as far as degenerating into a catfight, which was easy to break - scoop 'em both on my shoulders.

After the catfight breakup, she turned to me and had some choice words, this time for me. I won't quote her exact words, because that would pretty much be a line of asterisks, but bottom line is, she is a morbidly jealous Jezebel and she indeed feels I chosed my friend over her and also feels I abandoned her. To put it short, she acted like an ex, which is completly unjustified since she *never* was my gf.

I had known her for eight years, and yet, this is a side of her I never knew existed, and while not much surprises me, I must admit I was caught off-guard.

The moral of this story? If you think you truly know someone - think again.

 

That seems to general and ends up creating distrust among people who deserve your friendship. I think the real moral should be: Your ex-housemate is a pyscho.

 

Enagonios, allow yourself the time to mourn. Your ex was your girlfriend for a long time. Doubt you really want a woman right now. *And* you're leaving for Spain soon. *And* while in Spain, you'll at some point have to go back home.

Iku-Turso, a sad story. I don't really know what to say. Perhaps keep it real, don't say more than you feel, allow the girl time, but you know all of this already, don't you?

DoTW, she probably derived some implicit promises from the fact you were sharing a house.

 

It may just be me but I think the new girl at work was flirting with me last night...

She's only 19 (gorgeous AND very friendly, well-suited to bar work), I trained her when she was in on work experience and last night she asks me if I'm working tomorrow night, I told her I had the night off and she says "Oh, such a shame" with this almost-sly grin and a knowing look in her eye. Where on earth do they come from? Had too many flirting with me lately.

Oh well, I work with her again tonight so we'll see what happens

 

I understand your point of view, but it's no big secret that earning my friendship is not easy, and even harder to earn my trust. There are exceptions to this rule... but not many. Considering how I am, I difficultly bond with others.

Yeah, she's one hell of a Jezebel, that's for sure. Nontheless, I thought I knew her, and yet I never saw that side of her, so my theory is fitting - I thought I knew her, and what happened has made me think again.

Hmm. I told her not to expect anything between the two of us. I thought this was crystal clear. I never made any promises either. Looks like in her head, I probably was her bf or some such. *shrugs* Either way, this friendship is dead, broken and buried.

It wasn't all bad, though - I still have the female version of me. Of course I still barely know her... but that part is currently being resolved. There's some romantic vibes, but I don't know if it will lead anywhere and TBT, I'm not in a hurry to find out.

 

@Chev: Yuh, I know. To be frankly honest this was a knid of a social experiment. To see what would happen if I'd say the things I felt instead of keeping them under the lid. All in all, going that way is pretty intimidating, I admit, so no actual surprises that things happened the way they did. The one thing I have to learn is to give time. I'm rather disastrous at that it seems...

@Aldazar: I do get the feeling you might be a bit of an infatuation junkie...I don't mean to moralize or anything, just that it might be the answer to your previous concerns...

@DoTW: Well there you go bro, at least the situation with your ex-roomie's resolved. At least you know now what's what and who's who and act on that knowledge...And good luck with the female version of you, don't make the same mistake I made, so give it time

 

Somehow I have a feeling I'm not completly through with the former housemate. Something tells me I'll bump into her again sooner or later - probably sooner. A gut feeling of some sort.

As for the female version of me, actually, the very first smart decision I took was moving out totally on my own. I honestly already thought about asking her about being my housemate, but I thought better of it - that would have been way too fast, and that's one concrete proof of my wanting to take my time with her.

As I already said, there are romantic vibes, but as of now, neither of us are focusing on that. We're just focusing on having a good time, having fun (NOT in that sense, horndogs!) and getting to know each other better.

OTOH, it's possible those vibes will lead nowhere, and that's another potential outcome I'm perfectly fine with. If we are meant to be, then we'll be. If not, then we won't be. Easy as that.

 

Well, this is gonna seem a bit weird, and people that are rather Orhtodox (aka Chev) are gonna warn me against, but i just feel i have to say it.

The Emo chick ive been wanting after has apparently broken up with her boyfriend, and, although nothing is "official" he knows/suspects that she hasnt been entirley faithful to him whiles hes spent the last year and a bit in Houston (at her age, who can blame her?) and so it looks like they are over. And the guy that she apparently cheated with, well, i cant see them lasting. And since i know she likes me, then, things are looking up Just have to wait, bide my time, persuade my friend to take me along to the parties (yes, i usually wouldnt be invited, but thats the thing about hanging with different age groups...) Anyway, im happy! (finally)

 

@Dalveen

I like this

Anyway, as long as you're not the one making any overt moves while she's with someone else, you're not really doing anything wrong, at least imo. You're just angling for a better position on the board. It's called foresight

 

Eep, getting involved with someone who cheats is probably not a good idea.

Just my

 

Dalveen, I agree with Saber. I don't know if you will agree with my moral arguments... but thing is, you aren't there to judge her, anyway. What problem is in getting involved with someone unstable is that the unstability will hit you too. You have little basis to believe that she won't similarly cheat on you or flirt on the side, getting emotionally involved with other guys. Skipping her because of this uncertainty wouldn't be judging her. It would be trying to protect yourself from emotional harm. You don't owe her to prove how forgiving, lenient or understanding you are by going out with her despite the cheating.

 

Dalveen, I'll have to agree with chev here.

Getting involved with a cheater isn't a really good idea. You might sooner or later find yourself on the receiving end of infidelity, and having been cheated on three times in a row, I can tell you from hard experience it's NOT a pleasent thing to go through. Trust me.

 

truth? i stick by everything i said. but I'm with the majority too. If you can stick around with a cheater? That's all you, and if you can make it work, then good. otherwise, start thinking in terms that are more practical, whatever those may be.

 

@Dalveen: As long as you're not expecting too much, from her, from yourself and from the two of you together. It's your call, but I wouldn't even wait for a girl who skips from a relationship to another like that. Been there, done that, got winged. It doesn't have to be you, but if I were you I'd be careful. Think things over, give it time and give yourself some options before getting obsessed over her. Just be careful. Ok?

 

Guilty as charged... and fully aware of it though trying to change it is quite difficult. I do love the whole "honeymoon period" of the relationship.

Anyway, as I just posted in RB I have my house to myself finally (may give more detail when I have more time) so I'm just going to focus on having a bit of fun and try to just 'hang out' with people of the female persuasion for a while while I nurse and try to improve my infatuation addiction.

 

I knew the hunch I wasn't completly done with the housemate wasn't for nothing.

I got an email today - she apologizes for her... behavior the last time we "met", I guess. I also nailed the underlying problems perfectly - She admits having kept hopes of the two of us being something more, even after I decided against it (decision which was for the best, BTW). She also says that looking back at things under a different angle, she has come to a better understanding of how she behaved with me and says she understands why I decided moving out on my own.

[Blah, blah, blah] She then expresses a wish that we could remain friends. She also wishes me the best of luck with the female version of me, saying that "she's likely better for you than I could ever be".

Seems the Jezebel has cooled down... for now. I honestly don't know what to make of that. On one hand, she seems sincere, she took the first step and attempted to make amends. On the other, this other side of her isn't one I like, and I'd wager keeping her as a friend would only bring problems with the female version of me - and I've had my share of catfights for a long time.

TBH, I'm suspecting the Jezebel is trying to play mind games with me.

Blargh.

 

She's probably sincere. I won't be popular, but I have to say I pity her. It must hurt. Maybe she's in love with you, or rather, loves you, and has had hopes. That would explain her behaviour, taking little notice of the fact that while you shared a house you weren't a couple (a temporary status perhaps in her head) and some other things.

But I don't know the situation and can't assess it fully. You're probably right to be somewhat curious.

 

I think chev's right about her sincerity, and the possible reasons behind it.

OTOH; I do not think she's doing what's best for herself by trying to remain in contact with you. She needs to find her own happiness, and keeping you in her life at all costs is not the way to do that, it'll be too easy for her to obsess on you.

It's not an easy situation, and I feel for you having to deal with it.

 

Emo chick payed no attention to me tonight, meaning she just wanted something to get out of her relationship with, but i dont mind. Although, i do still love my best friend, so im still kinda ****ed up about that. Oh yay, the joys mf my life.