Relationship Rant Thread #5

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I thought everything was crystal clear when we discuss the lack of a future between me and her. Man, was I lost in the fields.

I can't decide if she's really sincere, or if this is but mind games with the ultimate goal of creating a rift between myself and the female version of me. One could say it might sound far fetched... but let's not forget that love's one of the most powerful motivations. I shudder to think to the lenghts she could be willing to go to reclaim me for herself - especially after what I've seen in my last "meeting" her.

This situation isn't healthy for neither me or her. I think it's time to do what I do best - burn bridges.

 

Hey can I just ask how relationships are formed in western countries? I think it's a lot different from what I'm used to, which is that you ask someone "let's be a couple" and then go on dates and stuff like that.
I've heard that in the States, you ask someone out on a date first, and have like no definite boundaries as to when you're actually a couple. Some clarification would be appreciated. (Because I recently moved back to the States)

 

When you are younger (as in highschool age), it is usually: "Let's be a couple" and then go on dates and such. Many times when you are older, you would go on a date or two to see if you were interested in the person, and then you would commit.

 

The dating concept is American in origin, although adopted in Europe as well, or at least the more Western part. However, it's only really American contexts where you will hear about "dating relationships". Europe is reputed generally less prudish than the States, but we don't do non-exclusive romantic relationships traditionally. For example, while I will go and have a coffee with my female friends no matter what gossip people will spread about it, or might even take them to the cinema or some dancing, but if it's something like kissing, it must happen already in a relationship - an exclusive one.

 

That's mostly what I'm used to. I was just wondering on how relationships are first formed. Appreciate both your replies. Thanks~!

 

Even in high school I followed only the latter part. How could you commit BEFORE going out? :/

 

I'm in love.

 

Susipaisti, congrats to you, how wonderful you must feel right now. Being in reciprocated love is such an uplifting experience.

I for one got "alleviated" from my relationship recently to put it mildly, which I must say severely sucks. Just when I thought I had a good one hooked as well, apparently life is "Too complicated and f***ed up to have a boyfriend to put first right now"

A cop-out if I've ever heard one

Being dumped by email FTW!

 

You can't be commit forever and ever and that you will never break up with her and so on, but you can commit to go out with one girl if it starts being romantic. Even without commitment, things like getting frisky with every girl one goes out with are icky.

 

That's what I meant. Usually when I like someone, I will 'ask them out' which means we are a couple. Then the dating stuff starts.

 

Then we differ a bit. With me it depends on the style of it. If I'm being romantic and all and allow the girl to be (that is, I don't dodge it), then we're a couple. If I just take someone along as my company, we aren't normally - but, of course, in that case, we don't get mushy and kissy. That kind of thing needs to be exclusive with one person.

 

Well, it is done. The bridges are burnt.

This last experience proved to me how dysfunctional my former housemate is.

Her latest - and last - offensive tactic to try to lure me away from the female version of me was to pounce on me with crystal clear sexual intentions. I saw through it and pushed her away. Needless to say, she wasn't pleased. I'll keep her in mind if I need a hooker, though.

Man, I should have just called instead of showing up....

 

ah, over here (at least in my circles), it's always been you go out with a person and if after a few dates there's sufficient mutual.. understanding(?) then you agree to become a couple and only then does it become exclusive. Before this point, each of the pair are allowed to see whoever they wish and any outside parties can try and come into the picture.

Naturally there are people that dont follow this arrangement but as I've observed it, this is what passes for the norm.

 

That's basically how it works here in Poland too. Is it free game what happens on those dates you talk about or not? Here, you can go out with one person on one day and another on another, but it's not considered acceptable to kiss or make out with more than one. In some other countries, however, it is. Some people think it's perfectly okay to go out with several people and kiss with each. I don't.

 

What people don't know wont hurt them But seriously, how would other people know in the first place unless either party blabbed? We're not really big on PDA (public displays of affection) in this country.

To answer your question though, I suppose its really a matter or preference. There's nothing wrong with doing that over here but, like yourself, I wouldn't want to go out with someone who was already pretty involved with somebody else. Many people don't really mind though, particularly if a long-term relationship isn't the objective of the exercise.

 

Rumours, bystanders talking, parties blabbing. But even if it's not seen, it's still wrong.

I suppose here you could too find people who don't want a long-term relationship and thus go on kissing whomever they want like, but it's not seen as a standard part of a meeting. If a girl were to kiss me romantically, I'd expect her to intend a romantic relationship and same if I were to kiss someone that way. This basically means no non-exclusive relationships. All or almost all my friends are like this for all I know.

 

I got laid last night. And today.

I suppose the President of the Losers' Club has been officially impeached now.

 

Surprise surprise, my ex (11 years my junior) wants to get back together... only a matter of weeks after the break-up as well. I had the feeling pretty much 2 days after the drunken-tantrum break-up that she was already regretting it but she made it very clear a couple of days ago. Almost enough to make a guy take a vow of celibacy

 

Double barrel fapping doesen't count as getting laid, Susi.

Just messing with ya.

As for the Jezebel former housemate, she was not content to let things rest in peace. I won't go in the exact details, but she has stirred the s***, and while I'm patient, her last actions have gone WAY too far.

Just you wait, Jezebel... I WILL get back to you. I promise you that.

And as for the female version of me... well, we've been seeing each other less and less often, and I can't help but think that she somehow feels responsible for my current situation with Jezebel. I've been trying hard to stick in her head that it's not the case, but without success so far. Therefore, that makes ending the war with Jezebel a priority.

Once this chapter is folded once and for all, I can but hope that the rift between the two of us will resorb and that things will be getting back to normal. If it doesen't... well, I don't know. I'll see in due time, I guess.

 

Best of luck to you DotW

Just feel like pouring out my life story right now lol so here goes...

A while ago I got kinda "obsessed" with a girl and we ended up getting pretty close (if you know what I mean )...but it was complicated because whenever I asked where I stood it was always as her "best friend"...and on several occasions she ended up kissing other guys right infront of me, which let me tell you kind of hurts...well being the f***ing idiot I am, and I really don't know how or why I did it, I forgave her and things carried on...I called it quits several months back, and just severed communication with her in an attempt to get my head straight, which I have now managed to do.

I am now 3 months into a relationship with a great girl (a different girl), who I really do adore, but we're about to end up doing the long distance thing cos we're off to uni soon...we'll be seperated by 245 miles of England...might not sound alot, but travelling by train is expensive. Neither of us want to quit this, and I really am hoping that it works out...any advice on long distance relationships? (and I don't really want any "don't bother" answers even if that is your stand point ).