Relationship Rant thread

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You need to work out what it is that she wants (in order to 'feel the connection') and see if you're prepared to do that.

 

I really hate the way my emotions work. Frankly, they don't in any sensible way. And then I go and rant about it, and then feel bad because I hate people who act emo.

*sigh*

 

@Chev

I wasn't with her, forgot to mention that. I only picked her up from the party. but I heard someone we know ask if we were still together because she was really drunk and I was nowhere in sight.

Anyway, saw her earlier today and she's giving me this line: "It's not what you did, but what you didn't do." And she means it "generally". wtf am i supposed to do then? I don't even know what I'm "supposed" to be doing. AFAI'm concerned, I'm not doing anything wrong.

Damn psycho.

 

Well, the sole fact she got roaring drunk without you in sight is nothing to ask forgiveness from you. Firstly, her getting drunk alone doesn't harm you. Secondly, your presence wouldn't have made it different anyhow. Therefore, it must be about something she did after getting drunk.

"It's not what you did, but what you didn't do." tends to translate as "It's now what you did, but what I did." This would match my guess from the previous paragraph.

Next, when people fool around with other people than their partners, they tend to come up with excuses to make themselves look less bad. Those typically involve not having their "needs" met, not getting something they want etc etc. In short, they want to say the partner wasn't giving them something, so they went to someone else for it.

In my perception, your girlfriend wants out but she doesn't really have the gut to break up with you herself, let alone take the blame for her behaviour. She probably wants to shift the blame on you and also wants you to do the breaking up for her.

If I were in your shoes, I would consider three possible courses of action:

1. Grant her the favour requested. Just add a little twist to it and tell her your reasons, i.e. acting like a child and then like a psycho.

2. Grant her the favour requested in a way that will give her absolutely no satisfaction. Tell her OK the first time she mentions anything about breaking up and then move on to commenting the weather or something equally casual.

3. Tell her you don't buy her excuses and she's making the accusations up. The problem she has with herself and she needs to deal with it. If she wants to break up with you, it's fine by you but she needs to do it herself and you won't be helping her in it.

I don't see much of a future for that relationship. Especially if she's being rude at it and has been lying or hiding things from you. Be merry. Breaking up after 3 years is always better than divorce after 10. At least she isn't running away with your children and half your resources to another guy. And welcome to the Newly Single Club.

 

lol, I like the last paragraph

I did option 3 before I read your post and it seems to have smoothed things over for now. She said that she doesn't want to break up which is fine with me. Apart from her usual weird moments (like this one) we get along pretty well and it still works for me right now. I guess we'll eventually break up when one of us can no longer stomach the crap that the other throws at him/her. She's leaving for the U.S at the end of the school year anyway, so maybe we can stay together til then and part friends :/ ah well, at least now I'm not being hassled

 

I'm not trying to be offensive here chev, but like you said yourself, you've never even had sexual relations with anyone, and with your religious beliefs on top of that, surely you are not fit to be playing the forum agony aunt?

 

Everyone is entitled to their opinion regardless of their experiences on the topic.

It is up to people if they wish to heed his advice

 

It's more the coming across with the "I know it all" kind of attitude.

 

Show me any piece of sexual advice I've ever given to anyone and I'll mention it in my earliest confession.

[ July 24, 2005, 04:01: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

Often people who are 'on the outside looking in' speak more sense than those who are supposed to be knowledgable

 

Well, those on the outside do generally tend to not have their thoughts clouded by their feelings. Something I know only too well.

 

And then on the other hand they can speak absolute bull**** thinking they know it all...

 

They can, but they don't necessarily have to.

Generally people are great at giving others advice, but when it comes to their own issues they fail to apply their own good ideas.

 

Thats probably what I was gettin at, well put Uytuun!

 

Who is to say that they think they know it all?

Any ideas as to why though?

 

yes. it's different when it's you in the situation because you experience everything firsthand. it's very easy to give good advice from an outside perspective because you're not in the person's shoes, but when you're in that situation there are so many other variables that can deter you from making what is logically probably the "best" decision.

 

@Chev I think I'm over her (yes it's the same one I was ranting about all year) but now I got another problem. Being a sentimental ninny I still care about her (in a diferent sort of way), so now she's with some moron because of whom she treats her friends like strangers. You know, things like- she won't go to that bar anymore because that's what were here friends tend to hang out (even I'm there at least once a month). Also I send her a SMS recently, asking her what she's doing, no reply ... BUT two days later I get a SMS from an unknow number. It was a vulgarity that only a male could come up with, am I jumping to conclusion in thinks it's her b/f? And even if I am what can I do to make her realise he's a moron before something dumb happens, like he dumps her at the worst possible moment and she suddenly reslises that her friends are giving her the cold shoulder. And I got another friend whose sister is also madly in love with a moron.
I don't get it. Both are beautiful, both are smart and yet both are dumb enough to fall for some guy just because he looks great or somesuch and don't realise he's a moron.

 

One of the signs of a bad relationship is closing oneself to friends. Been there, done that. That's what you get when you can't trust your partner, he can't trust you or relationship problems prevent you from anything else.

And yeah, it does look like her boyfriend is getting nuts and controlling her. It takes a real freak to read someone else's correspondence. If a partner demands to read your correspondence or does that without permission, the relationship is sick. It takes a gigantic freak to block you from replying to messages.

If she hasn't done anything to bring him to that state, it means he's a clinical case and he needs treatment.

Yeah. Seen things like that among family and friends. It suggests a big fear of loss. Fear of loss suggests the partner is regarded as a great catch. This suggests he's considered desirable because of certain qualities. The moment you realise the person doesn't possess the qualities he tries to come across as having, you're free from the influence and ready to break up and move on with your life.

And all this probably suggests that she's the one who has to deal with it. You can't do much except talk to her. But if you're blocked from talking to her by her bufallo's ass of a boyfriend or if she avoids you, then you can't do even that. I understand what you feel. You care for her, it hurts you to see her treated like that and you feel responsible. I have the same. But it all is her own choice, her own decisions.

 

I found I had alot more friends when not in a relationship, but when I met my fiance, quite a few friends stopped contact through jealousy. it's easy to be friends with someone when you can show off that you're better than them but when they start to rival you it's a different matter.

 

RIght now I have a great fear that I screwed up.

*sigh*

Note to self, no more sending e-mail until 48 hours AFTER the con.