Relationship Rant thread

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You don't *have* to do that, but it will at least leave a good impression. Go for it dude.

 

@DotW - If this woman you're interested in is really interested in you, why does she have a b/f? Sorry to be the wet blanket or throw logic in here, but... And your mother is friends with your love interest which is quite effed up. You shouldn't date people who are friends with your parental units. If you feel it necessary, go tell this woman how you feel and see how it goes. But I, well, I'll leave my opinion out of it.

@Saber - I've had great, intense love for a guy, then the next day, I'm blase about him. Love is the king of effing you up emotions. Have you 2 talked about your relationship? Does she have similar feelings? Yes, you can find out without a lot of problems. You have friends in common, so maybe ask one of them about how your g/f is feeling about you. I suggest talking to your g/f about what's going on.

EDIT: I noticed DotW's post is 4 minutes *after* mine. There's that DST!

 

Well, hell, if she's interested in me just like I am in her, I see no reason not to rectify my stupid ****ing mother's mistake. It *has* been a long time since my last relationship, and, to be honest I kinda miss being close to someone. I have a possible chance to love and be loved, so it seems in my best interest to grab it.


CHEV!!!!!!!!! Where are thou, DAMMIT!

 

Here I am. Want me to talk? Okay. The first thing I'm going to tell you is that you deserve better than the world of relationships that last "until she's single again" or just because you need someone to be close to in that special way. There is a lot of love to be found with friends and family, of both genders. You need contact with both genders to stay sane but rushing into relationships won't help.

There are many women and you spent only one evening with that one. You will have such evenings and such fascinations even when you're married and have children. It might have worked out into a successful relationship or not, you don't know. But it's not like you've lost years of effort or a tailored match.

You're probably angry because you've got her "stolen" from you as a potential prey and through a stupid mistake (or perhaps your mother actually judged your response as not really interested instead of misunderstanding you). Experience teaches that people who desperately want a girlfriend or boyfriend (and that girl seems to, given how quickly she was ready to jump into a relationship with you and how quickly she did with that other guy; not to mention how hot-blooded you appear ) are the last people who should be in one at the moment. I really suggest you should take time and allow your mind to sort out thoughts and emotions so that you could find some peace before being available to the other gender.

If you still don't want to lose her, you can tell your aunt about the mistake and she will surely pass it on. But don't cast your hopes on it and remember that if you enter into a scenario with lots of switching, you can find yourself on the receiving end of it.

Perhaps go to more parties, sign up for group activities, get introduced to more friends of friends? That would be a long-term plan, but relationships "for the time being" suck. If you meet many women, you will have more opportunities to find out what you like and what you dont, what behaviour is normal and what is strange. Plus, you will get some ease of contact, confidence and you'll more radically realise you have many to choose from and it's not a national holiday if someone gets attracted to you. You will become less and less inclined to jump into a relationship on an impulse and more able to tell who's in for the real you and who simply thinks you're hot. Besides, friends talk to you about their lives, you talk to them, you exchange experience. You get to help solve problems without the usual mess of being emotionally involved and risking too much, and that teaches a lot. Plus, friends are just those people who stick around no matter if you're hot or not. They are those people who care and who don't disappear overnight. A relationship without friendship isn't worth it and you don't need to be romantic with people to get to know them and find out if you can get along, either, so why not concentrate on building up and extending your circle of friends instead of the dating crap? Friends are always around, so if one of them ends up single and interested in you, you will know. Likely first-hand and without silly games, as well.

@kuemper: How about not date anyone at all? It's somewhat strange to start off in a heavily suggestive scenario with a stranger or almost stranger, let alone in a quasi-romantic relationship. I don't think it's a good idea to get romantically tied to just one person you barely know. But I don't think it's right to have a couple of relationships (non-exclusive dating), no matter how low-level and beginning stage and un-intense etc. It's a popular custom among Catholics in some countries to walk around kissing half the town until they decide to get laid with just one (whether by marriage or by arriving at disagreement with "mainstream doctrine" ). Even if there are ground rules and whatever, happy dating always ends up gravitating towards courting many people and being courted by another many. A screwed up situation IMHO.

Round here... well, at least between my friends, highshool and university mates etc, people still meet people of the opposite gender one on one, but without the "oh gee it's a date" fuss and without any more suggestiveness than just the fact that a girl meets a guy. If it clicks, it clicks. People get mushy and end up in a relationship. If it doesn't, the contact losens up, they lose incentive to meet etc. If it clicks but not in the romantic way, it grows into friendship. Some taken people won't meet you alone socially, some will actually invite you to a club for some dancing overnight, but no one does any multiromancing crap except overt fans of polyamory.

[ October 30, 2005, 03:00: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

@kuemp: My love interest is friends with my aunt, not my mother. They (the love interest and my mother) don't even know each other. She (the love interest) has a BF because of my mother telling my aunt that I wasn't interested in that girl (which is complete ) which eventually made its way to her ears (the love interest, that is). I don't blame her, she thought I wasn't interested and moved on.

The thing that completly makes me see black is that my stupid mother actually took the freedom to speak for me. Hell, I can speak for myself.

Now I have to fix her ****ing mistake, and wish for the best... there's still the matter of her BF... we'll see what happens.

And no, you're not a wet blanket, kuemp. I actually feel like giving you a big hug. Why? You took the time to give me your feedback, and I appreciate it. And I am also glad to see that things have settled down with your hubby.

@Chev: Look in my upper posts, I said I wanted to take things slow and easy with her. I was in no hurry to jump at the "love phase". She thought I was not interested thanks to my mother's interpretation of my answer, and I don't blame her the slightest. Besides, my informants tell me that her BF is a guy she knows well - not just some random stranger.

I intend to fix my mother's mistake, and see what will happen. If it works, great. If it doesen't, then let's close this chapter and move on. There wasn't a lot of girls who caught a crush on me, but it's not because they catch a crush on me that I *have* to go out with them. I turned a few ones down because of a my lacking love interest in them. I'm always surprised when I am told that a girl has a crush on me, but not to the extreme of making a holiday of it, though the idea is good .

[ October 30, 2005, 02:50: Message edited by: Disciple of The Watch ]

 

Is it only me but I always feel bad very bad when I got to turn down a girl because I do not love her. It happened to me three time, the first two were good friends of mine. While I enjoyed their friendship I didn't have an ounce ''of love'' in them. The thirs was actualy a boy I knew barely, this one I didn't fee that bad .

Meh... Unluck is me.

 

I have read everything in your upper posts, don't doubt this. Slowly and easily has many meanings. Perhaps slowly and easily driving the romance without calling it a relationship so fast. Or slowly and easily finding out if you're interested or not. Or slowly and easily approaching romantic concerns, which means not acting on crushes.

If the new boyfriend is someone she knows well, I don't think your supposed lack of interest could have mattered so much. One doesn't just switch from friends to lovers on a minute whim. Well, she's a girl, so she's supposed to react to interest rather than come up with it, so perhaps her romantic behaviour pattern relies on giving a try to guys that show interest and seem worthy of at least the time finding out. If this were the case, you'd have been a bit screwed because someone else had been first.

 

@Chev: As I said, whatever happens, happens. The idea of more bachelordom doesen't really bother me. Although I miss being close to someone, I can perfectly cope up with it until I meet a girl who makes sense... and *that* would deserve a holiday.

@Ofelix: You're saying that a guy declared his love for you?

 

Yup... Though it totaly freak me out.

So Chevalier are you suggesting I give up any hope of fiding someone and *hop* she'll come out of the thin air? I doubt that.

 

@Ofelix: I believe he's actually saying just to continue living life and it'll eventually fall onto you. But I too doubt that. Of course I could be wrong.

Let's ask him. CHEV!

*EDIT* @Chev: The first option and the third option reflect pretty nicely what I meant by slow and easy.

 

Ah, that's a bit complicated, then. I guess you were interested but not sure if you'd like to close all your other doors just beause of it... And then your mother read it as not interested. Well, it does hurt but the biggest wound here comes probably from the feeling of losing a chance or being outraced by someone else. Been there, done that. Sometimes such feelings linger for months but you eventually meet someone new anyway.

And yeah, what I meant was do continue living your life and you will inevitably meet more and more people as years pass, you go up on the school and job ladder and so on. If you look around for chances and get into a relationship with the first willing subject, you may well be limiting your chances more than by staying open and meeting more people without getting romantic with them. Crushes will always come even if you don't specifically look for them and if you don't push things. It's pushed things what doesn't last. The world doesn't end tomorrow and you aren't the last heir of a dying royal line. It's enough if you stay open. Don't need to give up on a girl you genuinely care for, don't need to check behind every corner, either.

 

@Chev: Well, my bloodline may not be royal... but it's on the verge of extinction... basically, my younger cousin and I are the last generation... if neither of us procreates... the bloodline dies. I do not feel any pressure at all

I have burned bridges long ago with my father and that side of the family. I have never really been part of that side of my heritage.

 

It was just a joke. If we were to take passing genes that seriously, it would be better for the world if I won the closest conclave.

 

Procreating...

To quote Valen... Life is overrated.

 

Heh, this seems to be moving far beyond a mere relationship help thread, onto contemplating life... but I agree with DotW and Valen.

But still, we should stick to relationships, or we'll have our asses busted by the Moderators...

[ Not ass-busting, just gentle reminding. ] - Beren

[ October 30, 2005, 12:08: Message edited by: Beren ]

 

Yea, I can feel the ever-watching eye of Beren upon us... what about a thread about life, it's meaning, and stuff like that?

 

Hmm, this is on page 20, if this continues to grow, will another be started, or is this the end of ranting about relationships?

 

I really don't know.

Let's ask Beren.

What will happen to the thread, Beren? Will it be closed down and anotherone will rise from the ashes of this one, or is this the end of Relationship ranting?

[ One of us will close it down once it reaches 500 or so. Then if anybody cares enough to (likely), Relationship Rant Thread #2 can be started. ] - Beren

[ October 30, 2005, 21:14: Message edited by: Beren ]

 

Most women suck, that ive had to deal with. Especially flirtacious ones, and the bitchy ones who pretend to be your friend, but back stab you at the first oppertunity, so in other words, most them.

[ November 10, 2005, 03:25: Message edited by: Dalveen ]

 

Ha! Well said.