Relationship Rant thread

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Reality is sometimes...often...okay,okay very often complicated and unbearable. But there are many beautiful things that only reality can give you. Don't ever forget that!

 

@RF: Cheer up mate...I've had that happen to me too. I was dating this girl who was my first girlfriend actually, and it was a very serious relationship...until she had to move to the States, and thought it wasn't practical to continue the relationship...

I sort of knew that she was right, but I couldn't get her out of my head for AGES!! I kinda went through what you went through then...knowing that I loved her, and she loved me too, but because of factors out of our control, we had to lose each other.

It took me about two years to get over her completely...and though I did casually date a few girls after that, it was never the same! However, about two and a half years ago...I met this girl who changed my life completely, and made me realise that there is a LOT more to life than mourning over the acute pain of losing someone else...

And you know, I am EXTREMELY happy with her, and not a day goes by that I don't marvel at how great and truly amazing she is. I suppose you could say that I've been very lucky, but what I want you to realise mate, that there is a LOT more to life, and you WILL know true happiness later on.

Cheers!!

 

If a girl tells you something like that, you really need to ask yourself if it really is friendship what she means. Friendship is something precious and it's not a consolation reward. A friend is not less than a boyfriend. There are various reasons why people don't hit it off and friendship doesn't really have much to do with that (in theory, at least). At any rate, if someone offers you "friendship" in this manner, is it really friendship what is being offered... Friends who don't share your romantic feelings or share (some of) them but don't want a relationship handle this differently.

No, why? But sometimes it's pointless with a long time friend because you might as well ask if she wants a relationship right off the bat because she knows you already. Plus, if it's going to be dating for its own sake, you're risking losing a friend and that's not good. But nothing wrong going to a dance or a cinema with a friend. Nowhere does it say it has to be a girlfriend. Just don't fall in delusions and keep track of what your standing with her is and avoid leading her on, as well. Also mind you that a girlfriend should be a friend, as well. I would even say a friend before a girl.

Sometimes you know someone as a friend for some time and don't really expect anything until it happens.

Very honourable of her to hear you out and answer all your questions. She's a good friend and such a friend is a treasure to have. Only it's quite painful to interact with her if you can't get over your romantic feelings - and given how great a friend she is, no wonder it's hard to get over it. But you have a whole life for that.

What did she do with it after you gave it to her?

And that's great for you. If you can't be a friend, you won't make a good husband and it's husband what you are ultimately going to be and not just another date or boyfriend, isn't it? Worry not, you'll meet the girl who will appreciate it. Not all of them fall for players, trust me on this one. Doesn't mean they will fall for you instead, but they will at least understand you and have some warm feelings for you, if not necessarily romantic ones. Except the one who actually will fall for you, but that's another story. Keep up the good work and don't let the bastards grind you down.

 

wow! i was not expecting relationship rants to take such proportions! well... back to the and

 

I did just that not long ago, I recomended that she go for this old friend of hers, but she won't due to complications, but I actually did, wasn't easy though.

Tell me about it, this is one thing I'm struggling with. We are friends, though she has trouble trusting me for various reasons (mainly if not all because she misunderstands me) if pains me to see her and know that I can't be with her.

Thanks for the support guys, as you said, all it takes is time.

 

Thanks Chev, suppose your right, I do have my entire life ahead of me to meet the right lass! meanwhile I'll just keep on rolling along

 

There is a fine line between 'not interested' and 'playing hard to get', is there a time limit on how a girl can 'play hard to get'?

 

When it comes to girls?? I don't think so...but for all we guys know, there's probably a guidebook of sorts for girls...

Meh...girls are weird!

 

Yeah. It becomes boring after the first couple of days if she's only playing.

The idea behind the game doesn't have to be always the same. Normally, she's just teasing you, but sometimes she wants to know if you won't lose your interest and move on to another if she doesn't give you what you want immediately. So, in a way, she's testing you and it can last. But if that's the case, she's still tactful about it and not rude.

If she's being rude, she's just playing a game with you, so get over it. My rule is, first thing that can be construed as an insult and I'm out unless she's genuinely trying to be kind.

 

I dont think there is such a thing as playing hard to get. Most guys dont have that kind of patience to keep interested.

 

Good point, DHB. If I was a girl, I would think long and hard before playing 'hard to get'. We men are pretty lazy really and often give up pretty easily. Plus, we want an easy life. We don't want to have to 'prove ourselves' 24 hours a day. We want to be able to relax most of the time.

 

Well, in many cases it's correct it's correct that it's just guys who give up. Because what is the girl supposed to do? Think how lovely it is the guy himself graced her with his attention? But some girls just tease you and then move on to the next guy or play uninterested the moment you start reciprocating their advances. It's a social thing, so I avoid blaming individuals for it, but it's pretty unsettling. On the other hand, I stick to girls who really are hard to get, so I haven't had much experience with being interested in a girl just playing it. At least not in the recent couple of years.

 

@ DHB, HB: Agreed. In my experience, "hard to get" more frequently means being cautious, not jumping in headfirst or just figuring out whether there is something there or not. That doesn't mean there's nothing there, or that someone is being treated like a lab rat to see how they react; it's more that you don't want to charge blindly in. As many of my friends have lasting issues as a result of relationship trauma and mistreatment (ranging from insensitivity through to full-on psychological victimisation), I'm not surprised that some people play it safer when looking for a relationship (rather than just a fling).

@ Faraaz: I'm sure that's the assessment us guys get, too. I'm pretty certain, though, that most men are pretty easy to comprehend at a basic level. Harbourboy has more or less summed it up neatly, although I think Seinfeld had a good assessment as well:

"Women always want to know what men are thinking. Do you know what men are thinking, most of the time?" <pause> "Nothin'..."

Not sure if it helps to hear this, but my girlfriend and I lived together for a year in a share house (that's how we met) before anything happened between us, and both of us had a couple of dalliances in that time. Sometimes things just happen in their own time, so there's no need to get stressed out about it.

 

Playing hard to get...hmm, like DHB said, is something that growed in the minds of men. I think girls mostly give signals that make guys think she's playing hard to get because she's not interested but doesn't want to be rude about it or because she wants to test him as a possible partner and doesn't quite know what she wants yet. There's very little playing hard to get just for the sake of playing hard to get IMO.

Face it, we're just not easy.

 

Well, yes, with that I agree: it's a concept originated by men. Sure. Even when a given culture requires a woman to play hard to get, e.g. to refuse twice or thrice before accepting marriage proposal for adults or the girl to rebuke the boy the first couple of times he asks her out, it's something that men invented, not women. One of the bad sides of the classical patriarchal model, I think.

At any rate, sometimes girls say "no" and want the guy to be smart enough to read it as "yes".

Or there is another possibility: perhaps sometimes girls are genuinely refusing in the beginning, but when the guy won't give up, they eventually cave in because he wouldn't leave them alone. But this is a very sad possibility...

However, my problem is with playing in general and not just hard to get. It's good for a girl to have tough requirements and it's bad for a guy to think he "deserves something" for merely saying he's interested. If I were a girl, I wouldn't even talk to a guy who thought he deserved anything (anything more than basic courtesy demands, that is, such replying to messages and explaining break-up grounds etc).

 

I've always been amazed that what counts for courtship on TV is stalking in the real world....

I thought this was great and has a few relationship oriented pieces of advice:

100 Things Every Man Needs To Know To Survive
written by Tim Wilson

I had a crazy uncle that was on his deathbed a long time ago, he said
"Boy, there's a hundred thing in life that every man needs to know to
survive,
and here's thirty-nine of 'em:

A virgin don't never drive a Z-28.
Never bet the ranch on your prostate.
If it's got an Adam's Apple it's probably a man.
Never trust a gay Gypsy with the palm of your hand.
She didn't accidentally get good in bed.
You can't join the church if you're already dead.
A work uniform ain't totally nude.
Brim and bass ain't seafood.
When there's guns in the house one better be yours.
Don't be naked next to any fishin' lures.
If a girl's got cookies she's a little too young.
If you say "I do", be the ugly one.
Don't ever let a bald man borrow your comb.
Never play strip poker in a nursing home.
Don't blame your pall bearers if they don't show,
If you're buried in the middle of the Super Bowl.
Let people borrow money, they'll leave you alone.
Never fry bacon without a shirt on.
Never spray water on a hornet's nest.
A woman rarely aces the driver's test.
The sign probably don't really mean "massage".
Never threaten anybody in camouflage.
Say you love her till she lays down the butcher knife.
Never put your moves on the bosses wife.
She's messin' round on you if your briefs don't fit.
Never trust a hitchhiker to baby-sit.
Cosmo's never in a happy home.
You can't cut a deal with a kidney stone.
A politician ain't got an HMO.
"Washin' her hair" mean she don't want to go.
Don't ridicule a biker 'bout his tattoo.
You've been married nine times, Hell maybe it's you.
Doom ain't the same as Donkey Kong.
If he's wearin' high heels you might have raised him wrong.
The clinic ain't the best place to pick up dates.
Don't rent a room from a man named Bates.
A tank top's never on a billionaire.
Stevie Ray Vaughn missed a note here and there.
How many get to Heaven no one knows,
But Hell will be asses and elbows.

And then he died,, crazy fool rolled over and died.
and never did tell me what those other 61 things were.
So if anyone knows, please let me know.

 

Nice Poem, but all I care about is the

 

So what point browsing a thread about relationships?

 

Well, its been two weeks to the day she made me feel empiter than ever before I'm starting to think of her a little less, maybe's its the rugby....

Aye, just time now to heal, my feelings haven't changed at all about her, though my way of coping with it has improved a bit. Since she doesn't share my feelings, its best for her to move on and find someone. I pray that someone cares for her as I do, and that he can give her what I have failed to. As much as it hurts to admit it, its best for her if I move one, and thats what truly matters. As much as I wish we could get back together, that I could hold her in my arms once more.... but no, its best for her to move on.

Relationship ranting comlete at the moment. Sorry if this gets annoying and repetative, but I had to say it.

 

What rugby? Did Canada win a rugby game?

Rugby helps to heal wounds of love?! Brilliant. All is right with the world then.