The battle of Sorcerer's Place (SP fantasy)

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The window swings open outwards, knocking Sniper off his perch. Its glass panes were being polished by a grumbling Shura.

" Damn! Sentenced to a week of housekeeping for an irrelevant post!"



There was a distant scream, cut off abruptly by the wet crack of bone against concrete. Shura looks out and sees the remains of Sniper 300 floors below.

" Whoops."

 

RotKU, getting bored with watching jumps in to the middle of the fight. After a while he spots Rallymamas BBQed mega-ultra-killer-chicken and runs over to help himself. After he's finished sits down to study the foot prints in the ground trying to track down some more mega-ultra-killer-chicken as he liked the flavour so much. After an hour or two of long tiring work as he tracks down the killer chickens he jumps up and decides to summon a swarm of killer rabbits to over run all his enemies (and hopefully find some more Ultra-mega-killer chicken for the barbecue).

 

After drawing the not-so-necessary pentagrams and lighting the incredibly useless black candles, Baezlebub got around to summoning his many minions from the depths. After all, what is the point of summoning things with the ususal, 'Oi, minions, get up here NOW' when there is an audience? Go all the way, with roman candles and explosions and the such. Besides, he kinda like the way that Yerrils 'women of questionable ethics' were looking at him.
With many 'in hocs' and 'kia magie' etc. the prince of darkness managed to sumon quite a reasonable army of demons and devils, anti-planetars and dark-devas. Evil Solars and pit fiends, and most wonderful of all, his lovely son, prince of demons. Its delightful to see ones son's appetite increase after such a long stay in Watcher's Keep.

 

Seeing Baezlebub and his whole army of evil demons, Sephiroth knows that he is now safe when Alexander returns with his army. So he goes to sleep for some spells to recover. On his way to his room he finds the remains of Sniper laying in front of his door, he decides to clean them up and throw them in the next waste box.

 

A mere 500 men was obviously a nonevent compared to the raging army of demons lead by Baezlebub himself. With half of them dead or dying, there really was no reason to be scared. Besides, he had a high morale. One of Yerrils ladies had winked at him. With a yell, he sent forth his minions to kill and conquer. 500 against the entire elite forces of evil? Hell was unguarded, but now he was ready to go postal on any mortal foolish enough to stand in his way. Besides, he needed to hurry up. Ren and Stimpy starts at 8:30.

 

RotKU slips into the shadows as soon as he sees the army of demons coming toward him. As they charge past masicuring (spelling?) his summoned killer rabbits, RotKU trembles.
How could they kill my rabbits? he thought, as he had devoted almost his entire life to creating that summoning spell.
After the last rabbit falls RotKU can't hold back any more and lets out a scream.
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" as he charges from the shadows of a near by building which i forgot to mention before. He swings his double handed swoard randomly through the air and chops to pieces the first demon he meets. After this RotKU relies what a stupid mistake he has made and runs off away from the demons all the way to his bed, where he gets a good night sleep and plans for his return tomorrow after school.

 

As Sephiroth awakes after a few hours of sleep, he gets a brilliant idea and runs immeadetly to the battle field. He smiles in deep satisfaction as he arrives there, seeing all his dead killer chickens and also a few dead rabbits. He preforms a strong magc act, and creates a perversion of nature, all chickens and rabbits stands up again, as killer-zombie-chickens/rabbits, wich will aid the powers of hell. The killer-zombie-chickens/rabbits have also a strong ability, if the enemy can't do a saving throw -2, he will be transfomed into stone. Now it seems that nothing can stopp the forces of evil...

 

As the very thought of fleeing entered RotKU's mind, the building, that had so previously helped him in his stealthy ways, fell on him. "Teach him right. Nobody hacks up one of MY demons and gets away with it" muttered Baezlebub. And with that, continued his charge into the melee of SP adventurers.

 

Bonzo runs to the middle of the arena, carrying with him what looks to be an absolutely huge billboard. He slams it into the ground and pulls some paint cans, and brushes, from behind his back. A whizz of brush action later and the billboard now reads,

"Hellspawn, is your master treating you too hard? Bad hours? Little or no pay? Humans keep getting in your way? Are you questioning your master, or summoners, motives? Think you'd like a change for the better? Hell just a little too hot for you? Well just walk this way ---------->"

At the end of the arrow is an escalator, glowing with brilliant light. It stretches off into the clouds, and just before it dissapears is the sign "HEAVEN (for Demons, Hellspawn and Evildoers only)"

Bonzo watches in satisfaction, as all the Demons, Hellspawn, and those pesky killer-zombie-chickens/rabbits, read the billboard and start towards the elevator. Soon all of them are on their way up to the clouds. At this point Bonzo pulls a magic lever which shuts off the entrance to the elevator, saying "All aboard?" with an evil grin on his face. The elevator starts to speed up, the elevator riders gibber and clutch on to each other as they rocket skywards.

At the top of the elevator, hidden in the clouds, is a small platform. As each demon, hellspawn, and killer-zombie-chickens/rabbit lands on the platform it tilts and they plummet towards the ground. The ground in this case is actually just a big hole which drops alll the way down into hell.

When the last demon, hell-spawn, and killer-zombie-chickens/rabbit has fallen back to hell, Bonzo pulls the magic lever again. The elevator vanishes, and the hole itself seals up.

Bonzo walks off looking smug, only to trip over a small stone and knock himself out, before passing out he yells "DOH!"

[ May 11, 2003, 15:04: Message edited by: Lazy Bonzo ]

 

"Now that was just plain mean." muttered Baezlebub, and continued on his race for victory, pausing only slightly to boot the crap out of Bonzo for doing such a dirty Bugs Bunny ripoff.

Racing onwards in heavy armour, really can b quite tiring though, so Bazlebub stopped for a quick pint down at the pub before continuing on his merry (if bloody) way.

 

Gothmog watches in amazement how Bonzo tricked all the devils and demons into banishment.

Now, lets smack some goody butts. He calls upon his power to control weather and releases a storm with numerous lightnings streaking down upon the battle bouncing off metal armors of combatants, binding them together witzh sparkling electricity rays (acting like a Chain lighning when hitting the first target).

 

Apeman opened his eyes wearily and realized he must have nodded of there, missing Gothmog's cry for help. But that didn't stop him, druid's mental powers work like an answering machine and he quickly rewinded his mind for calls.

He located Gothmog on his perch, he was by the looks of him meditating to nature. Apeman quickly scribbled a note and gave it to his pet faerie dragon.

The note:

Gothmog, when you've regained your powers come over to me and we'll discuss the battle plans. Only nature itself could stop us working together (which it won't)

"Bring this to our fellow druid over there" he said while pointing to Gothmog. "oh and give him the same treatment as I"

"No problem boss" with that Apeman's fearie dragon flew over to Gothmog and dropped the note and laid the same invisibility spell over Gothmog so he could regain his earthly powers without being disturbed by killer chickens and other demons.


Apeman surveyed the battle field and saw how a small little robot kinda thingie was leading all the demons to their dooms. But out of the corner of his eyes he saw Demogorgon escaping the grasp of Bonzo's elevator powers, and he was sneaking up to the little fellow.

With a flick of his fingers he called over to DemoGorgon. DemoGorgon looked over to Apeman and curiously came forward to him, as the 9 feet tall demons stood over the seated form of Apeman he saw something he couldn't resist, he tried but couldn't, it was like all his terrible demon powers melted at the sight of what was next to Apeman.

A vacant seat.

As he went down to the seat, Apeman said:

"Yeah we monkeys should stick together"

 

"Why that creepy little bugger. Demogorgon, come here THIS INSTANT! First you think that you can abandon your mates in their plight of peril, but leaving your father to bathe in the blood of innocents on his OWN?! You know i can't reach my back, the spikes get in the way. And you, hairy. Yes, you. The one with the stupid grin and the red arse. You should know better than to anger an immortal. You are going to COP it!" Baezlebub storms up the benches, knocking over Rallymamma with her blanky of protection from everything and spilling her peanuts, stopping to have a quick chat with Yerril about economics and then storming again up the stairs to come next to Apeman.

"You are going to experience the WORST pain in your lifetime, hairy. This should teach you to stuff around with my kids." And with that, flung Apeman down the abyss that had opened up for the allowance of the elevator to heaven.
"You, Demogorgan, can have fun with you're new friend when we get home. Now, we are going to be handing out smack down, and there will be no discussion on the matter. Now help me up, I outfitted you with that warsaddle for a reason."
And then the two rulers of the Underworld started, yet again, their headlong charge towards slaughter.

 

Bonzo stand slowly, clutching at his ribs where Baezlebub had given him a right royally kicking. Only then realising that Apeman distracted Demogorgon he shouts over his thanks. Having gotten the formalities over he looks around for Baezlebub.

Finally spotting him in an excessive amount of metal. Next to a pond. Bonzo starts to creep up behind him. He hooks a leg round one of Baezlebub's and gives him a hard shove, pushing Baezlebub into the pond. Then Bonzo pulls out 2 electric eels (he himself is wearing rubber gloves) and chucks them into the pond.

FZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Bonzo thinks "that must've hurt! Ah well"

Realising that Baezlebub will probably be quite pissed off now, Bonzo does the most sensibile thing possible. He runs off and hides.

 

Dalveen clambers out of the big hole to the abyss
"ah freedom"
Dalveen then notices Alexander in his poofy mithril plate mail.
"oi alexander, come over here"
alexander does as he is asked
"u see down that little mound of there is a massive wepon that will defeat all your enimies"
Alexander proceeds to dig up the mound, only to realise that he was tricked and that the mound is actually an ant hill. The ant are severly annoyed at having the home dug up, so they crawl through Alexanders armour making him incerdibly itchy and forcing him to take off the armour

Dalveen then steals the armour and chucks it down the hole to the abyss where Alexander can never reclaim it.
"hehe that will teach him never to look like a prat on the same battle field as me"
Dalveen proceeds to reincarnate every evil person that has been killed then steal the mischief makers coat and says
"oi no copying the matrix you prat"
and the runs away to tals tower to piece together Sniper.

 

Apeman quickly realized in how much trouble he was actually in, he was falling into a great red chasm where the bottow was rapidly rising to meet him. But that was the least of his problems, he tried to untie his pants but he couldn't just reach them falling with 100 miles per hour like that.

Finally he reached the botton and undid his pants, he looked down his back and..........his arse wasn't red as bealzebub told him.

"Yes my arse is still normal, bealzebub will pay for letting me think my behind was turned red, life has meaning again"

"need any help boss?"

Apeman saw his faithfull familiar flying next to him and he realize his pants were still kinda on his ankles. He reached for them and put them back on.

"Well yes if you could conjure a flying spell on me I would be most greatful"

"no prob boss" with that he casted his flying spell and Apeman was free to fly back.

As Apeman was flying upwards he something falling down from above, he casted a small feather fall spell on it and caught it out of thin air. It was a full plate mail of some sort. Apeman jumped out of the crevice and asked:

"He any one lost this?"

 

Bonzo decides to offer some refreshements to the combatants, and so sets up a hot dog stand in the middle of the arena.

"HOT DOGS! GETCHA DOGS HERE! GETEM WHILE THEY'RE HOT" yells bonzo while waving a hot dog in one hand and a mustard tube in the other.

Bonzo calls over to Demogorgon "Hey you! Yes YOU! You look like you could do with a hot dog! Finest hot dogs in all of Sorcerer's Place, right here! Come'on! Give 'em a try!"

Bonzo waits for a reaction from Demogorgon.

 

Seeing Apeman flying out of hell Sephiroth decides to make him to his next enemy, so he quickly runs to the entrance of hell and throws a fireball at Apeman, although knowing that Apeman has a totally fire resistance. So Apeman flies directly into the fireball, to prove his might. But that expectet Sephiroth and looks amused how Apemans nature fiber clothes are burning down. Because he knows that Apeman would never fight naked he looks for the next enemy.
Seeing Lazy Bonzo selling hot dogs, Sephiroth walks over and asks him if he sells hamburgers, too. Sephiroth don't like dogs meat.

 

Seeing Sephiroth attacking Apeman, who had saved Bonzo from getting his arse pounded into the ground by Demorgorgon, Bonzo decides to repay the favour. He aims, and throws the hot dog (with no mustard!) at Sephiroth, who was standing just a little too close to the edge of the abyss.

The flying hot dog hit's Sephiroth's back, causing him to stumble forward and start his own plummet down into the abyss.

Bonzo telepathicaly to apeman <allies?>

 

What sephirot was forgetting is that Apeman just find out that his arse wasn't red, and his frontside is pretty decent as well. So apeman rushed over to the enemy searching Sephirot and casted 'entangle' on him.

litterally twined up in sticky vines Sephirot wasn't able to move. Apeman though isn't a really violence sort and after all this commotion his belly started to grumble.

He walked over to Bonzo's hotdog stand and ordered a hotdog. Which he downed very fast.

"He bonzo you wouldn't have any spare clothes would you"

As he waited for bonzo's answer he wondered what all the combatents would do now that sephirot was completely helpless.

EDIT:

Apeman realizes he should improve his posting powers so he could post faster and not screw up the story (even though this would have been great)

Apeman replied to bonzo <if you indeed have some extra clothes>