Theories (both serious or funny)

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Frog, don't even think about it! No cruelty to cats.

Theories:
- Some objects are specifically created to stick in one's mind until one buys them, whereupon one immediately forgets them and never looks at them again.
- The day you haven't done your homework is always the day the teacher will decide to collect it.

Scientific experimental procedures:
- The semblance of self-confidence is everything.
- If all else fails, blabber.

I live by the two above rules

 

French proverb:

If you ugly at 20, you are unfortunate. If you are ugly at 40, it's your own fault.

I have always liked this; perhaps it sounds a bit cruel on first reading, but the meaning is that as you age, you slowly take on an appearance that reflects who you really are- it's a praise of inner beauty in a way. I am 30 now and finding that the person in the mirror looks more and more suitable to play the role of "me" every day- it's a great experience.

My other favourite "theory" is that I'm filthy stinking rich, living a life of luxury and ease, and so is everyone else I love or even know well. Don't think you're rich? Travel in the countryside of a third world country and realise that most of the people who've ever drawn breath on this planet lived much the same way. Study history, and realise that the "glorious" kings and queens of Europe were cold and hungry a lot of the time, compared with our snuggly warm homes, well-stocked kitchens, and indoor plumbing. And the peasants were lucky to eat a potato a day.

 

Ok i think the world needs several things:
Here are my top 25

1)Love
2)Freedom
3)Happiness
4)The occaisional and totally legal war.
5)Banning of all boy bands from being allowed to breath oxygen.
6)The allowing of monkeys to wear pink
7)A really huge dog that craps on your neighbours lawn for revenge pruposes.
8)The legalisation of Cannabis.
9)A complimentry Umpah Lumpah for every child.
10)Fish that can swim backwards.
11)No treatment for smoking related illnesses.
456) Better maths lessons.
13)no unlucky numbers..............ow!
14)A chemical that will make annoying people shoot themselves.
15)Daily forced mating between ugly loners of the ages 16-17 and attractive female supermodels.
16)Free whisky on sundays
17)The right to fart in bed whenever we bloody want to.
18)The abolition of *that time of the month*
19)An in depth manual with every manual to explain how to read the aforementioned manual.
20)Complimentry small furry things that we all may use to exert our frustrations on.
21)Free Brandy on wednesdays.
22)The ability to breath in space
23)The letting go of any criminals that say 'please'.
24)Abolition of slavery
25)Death to all those who eat spinach and say 'yum'.

 

#1. Chemistry is a conspiracy to make me fail.

#2. Life will be hard no matter what you do.

#3. Animals have a secret network to plot our doom as a race.(I got bored on this one)

EDIT: spelling mistake

[This message has been edited by jack-of-all-trades (edited March 03, 2002).]

 

Buttered toast and cats! hah! That's too much! I didn't stop laughing for ten minutes. Damn my imagination, and yours too, Frog.

[This message has been edited by Damona Silvercloud (edited March 03, 2002).]

 

The world is truly run by mole people who have telepathic abilities that force some people into colonies where they sit around and say philosophic and deep things that seem extremely funny when said but looked at people who study things like this they say "Wow! Thats deep."

It kinda reminds me of this thread.

Frog I tried your theory, it doesn't work

Yes I'm insane but who is sane?

 

that cat/toast thing isn't original. in fact, i remember reading somewhere that some physicists actually tried it out (cat landed on its feet, incidentally).

 

Now the logical application of the aforementioned theory is to have a few cats and a piece of string around whenever you eat breakfast.

 

mmm... buttered fur!

 

I have enough 'theories' that it would make uhh...um...I need a simile...uh...snow...

nevermind...

 

The end of the world is coming in 23.47 standard days.

 

Why do they call it a hot water heater? I don't need my hot water heated, I need a cold water heater and a hot water storage tank.

Also, why do they ask me to get on the plane at the airport? Evil Kenevil can get on the plane, I'd much rather get in the plane. ... Then, upon landing I'm asked to de-plane. Where did that word come from? Have you ever been asked to de-car, de-train or de-rickshaw?

I'm considering building my house out of balsa wood. That way when kids are playing on my lawn, I can set out, pick my house up over my head and yell, "Get off the lawn". I think it would be effective.

I named my dog "Stay". He's really messed up now. I keep saying, "Come here Stay." "Lay down Stay" "Fetch Stay"

 

Why legalise cigerettes and alcohol and not canabis when the legalised ones are "said" to be more harmful? Hell i don't know, i only do booze!

And why the hell are we here?

We talk about heaven and hell ... so like, shouldn't heaven be the palce where the greater beings dwell and Earth be hell where the corrupt and money minded b******s dwell?

 

Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one.

 

I don't

 

which don't you have Sir Dargorn-
the former, the latter or both?

 

Theory 1:
All hot boys live in Hell.

Theory 2:
When the science teacher asks to see your science binder, always say it's in your locker because the teacher will go on and on for 10 minutes about how it's essential to have your binder here.

Theory 3:
It's only fun looking forward to weekends, march break, long weekends, and summer because once you are on the break, it's sooo boring....

Theory 4:
Haffa nike dai!