Things I Learned From Playing Video Games

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If you're an adventurer in a post-nuclear war world and find that you cannot finish a quest because a casual citizen is standing on the only doorway, you will have to kill him to get by. After that you will be forced to kill everyone else as the deem it necessary to attack you despite the fact that they've never seen a guy in a powerarmor carrying a shining sci-fi weapon and killing off 4 people every 3 seconds with a steady pace. In the end you will find that as you save the world, everyone is already dead because they didn't really understand the meaning of self-survival and things that are essential.

The fight is never over till the very end. Even if you've been hit with a series of bullets, explosives, super/ninja-special moves, you're still in your full strength, speed and mind until they deliver the last blow. Which will effectively be a pinch to your little-toe and kill you outright.

When you finally get to the superweapon that is supposed to be able to destroy any material (was actually created for taking over the world), you find yourself stuck being unable to advance through a common super damage-resistant wooden fence.

If you can't jump over the 1m ledge in front of you, then you just can't get over it. No matter how many magical and superpower-like abilities you might have, you just can't climb it.

If within you there is another personality with "the strength of god", and one day you finally become/overtake this personality, you will find that due to the (game)world balance, you only have 1/1 000 000 of the strength you're supposed to. You can no longer fly, cause nuclear explotions with your mental powers, compel people to your will.. but everyone else will still speak of you as if you were a god-power.

The casual movie&anime rules usually apply:

- Looks before style. If you are a female wearing sexy bikini, you're sure to be able to take on more damage than when wearing a full body-armor.

- The more enemies you face, the more likely it is you'll win the battle.

- Even a hero who's beaten armies at one go better be real careful when he bumps into a lone figure that talks a lot.

- If you're hanging upside down from a rope rotating around with a pistol with 1 bullet in it and a serious jamming problem, while having most of your guts blown out and eyes bound shut with a cloth. You will most definitely hit the enemy 1km away and save the world with that job.

And finally... as stated in an earlier post: Yes, the world does indeed revolve around you.

 

No need for burying dead people anymore, they simply dissapear after a few seconds.

 

- No matter how many times your base has been bombed, shelled, fire-raised, or any other type of destruction you can still construct buildings as if everything were normal.
- None of your mechanized vehicles never require ammo refills or fuel refills.
- Combat medics can *always treat wounded soldiers no matter how badly they're hurt.

 

no matter how gory and bloody, yes even if you shoots the heads of people, noone swears or no women shows their ****... becouse thats discusting...

 

You cant start a conversation with your buddies but they can start one with you.

Bad guys ALWAYS reveal their plan to you.

If you are weak and walking into a place supposed to be filled with ancient red dragons, they are all away, and their lowly goblin servants will be the only enemies there.

Noone seems to care that you are polymorphed into a beetle.

Powerfull good people will never ever fight by your side, but they will ramble on for an eternity about how you must save Faerun.

If the dungeon is falling apart around you, you still have time to sleep for 14 days.

 

English

 

"English"

Make that "Engrish". All your base are belong to us.

- There are an infinite number of enemies in some areas. And you have a limited number of bullets.

- Anytime you shoot someone, they know exactly where you are.

- Anytime you get shot, you have to hunt around to see where the rounds are comming from.

- Save Gems are important, but you'll need a save gem to get to the save gem.

 

-People who have special powers invariably join up with each other before they even realize what's going on.
-If you have a very large man with a very large knife, it will still take him several swipes to kill off that walking, talking plant.
-There is no such thing as PETA. Kill that jaguar.
-Just because you can see the rock doesn't mean you can climb on it. You are only acrobatic when it comes to specific objects.
-Wow. That helmet looks reeeaaalllly goofy.
-If she has big breasts, she's out to kill you. If she has big breasts and a gun, you get to sleep with her first.
-Your lowly, peon workers will never notice that the base is being overrun. They won't attack, defend, or grab their asses and split. Kinda wish I had that dedication at my job.

[ December 08, 2002, 21:51: Message edited by: dragonjewel13 ]

 

-Rats are actually not as whimpy as everyone thinks.

-You keep fighting without any noticeable effects, then all of a sudden, poof! You're tougher.

-You can get shot multiple times and still die.

-Finding a first aid kit on the ground instantly heals you.

-Cars take no damage when they crash.

-Physics is a fallacy.

 

You can carry many items in your inventory and STILL have your hands free to weild a sword and shield.

 

You never need to bend down to pick something up, as you'll pick it up while nobody is looking.

 

-English
-history (Age of Empires...)

 

-That the butler DOESN'T always do it.

-Guns never mis-fire, regardless how much water you have been in or how much it has been used.

-Almost all of the time, if you use guns as a main weapon (I.E. FPS') you cannot use hand to hand combat without an empty gun or a knife of some description.

-Chairs are not weapons.

-Tables cannot be tipped over, despite their ability to block bullets and missle's.

-Doors cannot bo destroyed, un-hinged or unlocked without specified tools and instruments, rendering a simple kicking of a door, or shooting the lock useless.

-Water fountains can heal bullet wounds.

-A simple bandage can heal many bullet wounds, including the occasional drowning pain (health drained through drowning)

-Continuous gunfire to an arm or a leg can kill in a very rapid amount of time.

Sorry if some of these are repeated from other posts, but they kinda come spontaneously.

 

hey... guns actually misfire in Jagged Alliance 2... FYI

 

Dark shadows conceal you completely.

Undead don't look up often.

Evil Godz still need minions.

Funky tree chicks are pretty, hot, and good in bed.

Brandy is Life.

Civilians, without a weapon of any kind, walk around looking for trouble with their right hand held high behind them.

They can make a mechanical replacement eye before they can engineer and silent single-shot pistol.

 

With a simple cheat code, you'll become disgustingly wealthy. But then again, same goes for real life.

 

Most stores will offer to buy YOUR goods instead of only selling theirs. Now why doesn't THAT happened in real life (except at a pawn shop)?

 

If you can remember the right words to say, you get unlimited ammo, shields, and life!!!

 

Most people don't mind you running up to them with a big weapon and attacking you until they actually hit you.

NPCs have a limited vocab and can only say certain things in a certain order

Creatures will attack you even if they know it's suicide

 

-People actually don't mind you pointing a gun at them...most of the time, at least.

-For some reason, you can always do something to get where you need to go, even if it does take ages to find the right switch or whatever.

-Certain doors will never open, becasue there is actually a blank void behind it.

-Blowing up a gas container will immediatly destroy it, no shrapnel will fly about killing anyone besides those within the original blast radius.

-Most of the time, you can run around without rest, food, drink and going to the toilet, even if you spend days in one area.

-To gods, greater beings and mayors, days pass in mere seconds, minutes, and occasionally a few hours.

-Impossible is a true reality, there will be something which you cannot do, unless it is actually a part of your lifes objective. (Yup, there I go about those doors again )

-Injuries are never permanent, it just takes a lot of bandages, medipacks and health vials to sort yourself out.

-Yes, long drops, resulting in a sickening crunch, CAN be sorted out with normal first aid.

Ditto in terms of repeating posts, I can't be buggered to read through all of the post again to see any similarities.

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