What Do you Value The Most In A Relationship?

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Definitely trust. I've had too many women break that in the past and find it hard to allow others an opportunity to earn it but...

Must be able to hold some sort of intelligent conversation, no blank looks during conversation.

And at least similar interests. Not necessarily the same interests per se, but similar interests such as being fairly well read, liking (and knowing) movies etc.

And of course a mutual attraction of some kind as a basis to start on (be it physical, mental, or emotional) would be good.

 

I simply can't understand why you all go on about this trust thingy all the time. Honestly.

If you're simply looking for someone to trust (or to trust in you), why don't you buy a dog? You could as well say that you're looking for love in a relationship; this would be it as trivial - or maybe as deep (and I'm to dumb to realize this ).

So here's what we look for in our partners: someone who makes us feel special, who saves us from our loneliness. I believe this can happen most easily through intelligence, humour, and sharing a common social background. Since this leaves a quite wide pool of potential partners, it is a good thing we can chose the one who's appealing to us the most.

 

Having someone as a girl who can also be a friend... for me love is friendship meeting intimacy.
I value common interest, and someone who can 'add' to me and vice versa.
I'm a naive moron, so trust isn't much of an issue for me, it comes quite natural.
Most important thing, I think, is being able to talk well, not like babbling but really talking about the things in life that matter, about philosophy, about the world around us, and being able to look inside oneself.
Guess there's more, but it's only 9.45 so I haven't woken up yet.

 

Bo-hoo on you then, I hope you don't die from the long trips.

Sorry, but my girlfriend lives 450 kilometres away so I get kinda cranky when someone say that they 'suffer' from the long trips.
Still, I know of people who have their partners living in USA and Australia, and from Sweden, thats a LONG trip.

What I would like to see in a girlfriend is my current girlfriend.

No, really, she is perfect for me. Christian, about as smart as me, HOT, patience with my behaviour, generally nice to people*, and all around a good girl.

*Actually, sometimes she is TOO nice. She is one of the few people I know of that actually get's bad concience from just thinking a bad thought about someone else. That is just odd.

 

I don't know about you, Darkthrone, but I don't plan on having sex with my dog... Trust is very important and is especially important to those who have been betrayed by previous partners (e.g. cheating etc.).

 

Thanks, Abomination. So you're thinking sex is of utmost importance for a relationship. Off you go, and blessed be you.

My point: while "trust", "love" or "relationship" are of course not synonymous, they are so closely connected and interwoven that they are not really separable from each other. Hence, I think it trivial and self-explanatory that someone looking for love is at the same time looking for trust. If someone is looking for a relationship, it goes without saying that he's looking for someone to trust. Who would in all honesty look for a deceiving bastard as a partner?

But, on the other side, I think it is possible to disagree about the degree of intelligence, looks, money, health, whatever a potential partner should have. Accordingly, trust can be left out of the discussion. My two cents.

And... Abomination: If only you knew about the pleasures my German Shepherd Hasso can give me...

 

Actually, sex is the most important aspect of a male-female 'relationship'. Isn't that the whole point? To reproduce? Find the most suitable partner?

And I would love to know about the pleasures your German Shepherd 'Hasso' bestows upon you. I'm quite curious

 

Important but not the most important. For me, at least. For me the most important aspect is connection and complementing each other (edit: corrected typo, the previous version was nonsense). And the spiritual level of this is more important to me than the physical level. I could live without seeing the special someone often. But I couldn't live without connection.

I can attest that... I doubt you'll meet many men more often belied and betrayed than I have been.

Let alone outright lying, by now I have a gift for telling if someone isn't telling the whole story or isn't really thinking what she says. But I don't lead to confrontation. I just feel bad and become sad. Whatever the truth, I want to know it. And I always give honest answers myself, no matter the consequences for me.

I've noticed that friendship has popped up. Yes, that's very important. Couldn't be with a girl who wouldn't also (and maybe first of all) be a friend. When something isn't working in a relationship, friendship lets people overcome it together. Even if their love ultimately burns out, they're still great friends, can tell everything to each other and count on each other. And nothing will deprive them of the romantic memories they share.

I've also noticed attraction or attractiveness coming up. In the past, it was important for me. But I've changed. Attraction should be a sign of something rather than the cause of anything. People who experience connection are attracted to each other more than just on the physical level alone. A strong bond gets rid of the whole attraction factor.

And I've noticed challenge too, in two aspects. I only support one: I expect the girl to stand up for her principles and for the truth even if this means standing up against me. Plain and simple.

But I'm a "once and for good" type. I do my best for the girl to feel cared for. Deeply. Seriously. Sincerely. This may even feel overwhelming and sometimes it does. I don't put limits to my time, my attention, my resources. I even treat my body like resource. It's plain and simple: the girl has to feel comfortable. I don't. She needs to come back home from a nasty place unharmed, I don't. She needs to rest well, I don't. There's no other way. But uncertainty kills me. Something dies in me if I don't see that she cares, that she has feelings for me as well.

[ September 17, 2004, 23:36: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

1. Not be useless at everything and a waste of breathing space
2. Not be an alcoholic

That's my last two relationships out then

 

@ caleb* Actually my initial post stated that -to my surprise- I didn't really suffer from the distance, but from not being sure whether he still cared.

I wonder whether guys suffer from that as badly.

chev certainly has a couple of good points. Friendship is imperative to a relationship. One has to be able to talk to one's partner.

Speaking of which: communication and honesty also play an important role IMO. If you can't speak to your love about what bothers you in the relationship then eventually frustration will rage and trust will have gone totally. Being honest at all times may be a bit awkward at first, but the trust and connection you'll feel in return should be worth it.

 

I dont think you should be surprised that you dont suffer from what you call the long distances. An hour away is not long distance, it may not be around the corner but it is very possible to see eachother for the day and such. Unless people live in the same neighbourhood most people live 20 minutes or so apart from eachother.

 

I know, but I just had to be a bit surly.

Well, I must say, that I feel it's kinda ankward if she doesn't call me or I call her one night, since we are talking for at least an hour per night for the last year of our relationship.(We have been together since February last year.)

 

Well, joacqin, I guess you're right, but I don't have a car and the train is not cheap. Plus, we both have our summer jobs and have other obligations. If he'd live closer I could visit him after work sometimes, but well, you're right I've no right to complain. I see him once a week for a couple of hours. The thing is that most people my age spend way more time with their significant others.

Anyways, respect to you, Caleb*.

 

So little? Okay, then I can't see why you are not suffering from withdrawal. I visit my girlfried every sixth weekend and she visits me every sixth weekend, but if you only meet your boyfriend once a week, only a few hours per meeting, you got some cred for being patient.

 

If that is all you get I reckon it does seem like a long distance relationship. The reason I thought so little of the distance is that I for more than four years have traveled closer to two hours there and two hours home to school. A mere hour sounds nice in my ears.

 

Distance is an issue. Hell, I'll probably live closer to Uytuun than her boyfriend, but one hour normally is doable. If I could see her once a week, I'm ok with it. I could wait longer to see her a weekend like in Caleb's case. Best is still if it's close, so you can call her when you need to have a chat, or need affection etc.

 

I can understand that sort of thing if you don't see each other very often, but in the relationship I was in the ended about 3 months ago, we'd see each other fairly regularly twoards the end, maybe 3 days a week worked in around her job, but she'd call me every single damn night, usually with nothing to say. That's just a little too clingy for me, especially after 4 years together. Fair enough it may be that early in the relationship when everything is still 'new' I can understand wanting to talk heaps but after 4 years? Usually by that time I would think that a couple may be living together or would at least know each other well anough to not feel the need to ring each other every ngiht with nothing to talk about. But then, that may just be an opinion formed as a result of that particular relationship falling apart at the time and an unwillingness on her part to work through any problems.

Which brings me to something I neglected to put in my last post as a 'desired quality' - willingness to ctually WORK at the relationship rather than giving up on it when things look even remotely rocky.

 

I want fairness, honestly, love and support like any normal human being

I want a man who is open minded and doesn't hold me to any double standards. I want a man who is a good provider, intelligent, faithful, sexy, and emotionally supportive. I want a man who has morals and can be trusted.

I want a man who knows the difference between "woman" and "women" and can use each properly in a complete sentence.

 

Ooh, you won't find many people nowadays who get that difference right. Especially with the younger generation who tend to have terrible grammar at the best of times. You'll have to go for an older man to get good grammar.

As for me, I look for someone who complements (not compliments) my life and makes me happy.

 

Wait... do we still talk about males here?