What Do you Value The Most In A Relationship?

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I want a man like that too...
I mean, erm... Boobs! Yeah! Boobs is what I want!

 

@Harbourboy: But DHB is actually quite lenient. She doesn't even require the whole sentence to be proper, just the "woman"/"women" difference

 

Well...I'd prob'ly go for someone whom I could be comfortable with. I wouldn't have to worry about impressing them, or wondering about what they might think of me, etc etc.

Also, someone who would be very loyal. Loyalty in a relationship is very important to me as well.

 

@Aldazar: Guess it differs among people. My brother has been with his girl for two years and they spend half each and every day together and send messages throughout the other time. I couldn't really function in that mode. It would be too much for me. I prefer to adjust myself to what the girl needs, for the bigger part. If she wants to talk for hours, I will. Even if it means I won't be able to sleep. If she wants some space, I won't disturb her. Even if it means I won't be able to sleep...

But I have problems telling if the girl wants space or if she wants to get rid of me. That's why waiting for a line can be painful and waiting for a reply can be even worse. Perhaps this is a factor in my compulsive honesty. I prefer to be told the bad things straight in my eyes, directly, with no beating around the bush. But I would also like to hear the good things, just so I know she cares. I would never find it too clingy, no matter what she said, if she really meant it.

 

You want someone who is always going to be saying good things about you?

 

My bad, thanks for pointing out this typo. Don't know how I made it. It was to be "complementing", and I'm correcting it right now. I suppose "I prefer to be told the bad things straight in my eyes, directly, with no beating around the bush." removes all doubt, though.

 

In most of the posts I've read in this thred, the word trust has appeard. As I understand it, it means to believe in the words the partner utters. I, we need to know the the other person is sincer. In short I wan't a woman who's head I can open and see her thoughts. But that will never happen, so I will either invest in a relationship of Trust or a relationship of understanding. The latter most, since I hope for a woman who's thoughts I can understand , by her actions I can understand her thoughts, and who can understand me to such a degree, that she knows who I am, what I feel for her and what will hurt me. If that falls under the trust category I dunno?

[ September 18, 2004, 05:33: Message edited by: Zurga ]

 

TBH, I just want to find a woman who doesn't have every single step of her life planned and timed precisely and who will not lead me around with false words and promises. I'd rather no promises than false ones. And a woman who, if things don't work between us will not run to the first guy she finds and get engaged to him then get him to yell threats at me down the phone line.

 

That's why it's important that your partner is a good, caring girl (or guy). Every such thing can be overcome with some compassion and care.

 

Care, compassion, and let's not forget, communication. Spelling things out clearly can avoid so much unneeded worry and pain. (Women especially are bad about this part of the relationship I think).

 

I like the feminine type of girl. By feminine I mean the sort who could be clumsy, make hassle out of things and act as one who lives a bit in her own world might, with a wacky sense of humour to add on it. One who would use skirts instead of jeans, shirts instead of low-cut tops. One with a grownup wisdom and way of seeing the world, but a girly attitude to keep things funny and entertaining. Maybe it seems rather conservative, but a little "weakness" in a woman makes her cute, in my eyes. And I'm the sort of guy who likes to have something about the girl I can protect. It's sad how many people seem to view that as an attempt to have power over another these days (not that I've much first-hand experience of these types, but out of talking with people, many seem to think like this), as I'd give my life for a loved one.

Trust is obvious of course, mandatory for any working relationship. Trust in that you both care very much for one another. Whatever you do wrong, whatever you said wrong, whatever you feel wrong about yourself or something else, none of that matters as long as the other person cares about you deeply enough, as they're willing to see it in a good light and fight for improvement. Same thing vice versa. Note that I'm not talking about things like sleeping with another person. Just the normal sort of little things one worries about.

I don't believe in things getting "bland" if two people are right for each other. It may sound naivé, but I don't. Of course everyday living after years of being together is different from the first few months, but it shouldn't be as different as it often becomes. Maybe it depends on the individual. But to me it will always be obvious that even after years of living together, there must be that same daily laughing, hugging and kissing, talking and enjoying life together. Too many people think a healthy relationships means two "friends" living under the same roof.

Still, it's hard to point out any specific traits beyond that certain carefree happy attitude. It's like meeting a good friend. Some people you can know for years, but your friendship with them never really moves beyond that certain point for no obvious reason. And some very few people are such that you can sense you will get along well together since the first few hours after you met, and you'll be right about it too. It's that strange intuition that is rarely wrong. Something that I've still not fully understood, as some of my friends are quite different from what I'd expect to get along with.

People are different. Some are practical and realistic, others not. Some are naturally silent and secluded, perhaps even the depressive sort, others are not. If both are the positive sort, realistic enough to survive in the society yet the type to naturally do their best to make each day a happy one, then it won't seem like a work. Then it won't go to the bland "living under the same roof only" mode. Then the relationship will be a happy one. The length of which will only be determined by the amount of trust, and any potential accidents or suchlike things that did not depend on the people.

This was more like a stream of consciousness rather than a working text, but what I had to say is in there, in one form or another.

Edit: Oh one thing I forgot to say there. The appearance and intelligence has to be on the same line, to a certain extent. A supermodel and a fat drunk make a bad pair for obvious reasons. It's natural for a human to seek out partners of the same group, for a stable relationship. I don't have to go to the specifics here I'm sure.

Intelligence is a trickier thing. It's like appearance in a way that it grants the other more "power" than the other, which creates a rift in the relationship and trust. But even though I generally don't get along well with people considerably dumber than I simply because of the social limitations that come into play (though I don't get arrogant unlike some), there is one woman whom I got along with very well, even though she wasn't exactly the brightest short. She was happy, very positive, and she had a wisdom and an ability to connect with people unlike I've ever even dreamed of. That balanced things quite a bit. Too bad ours was interrupted by other reasons, and since then we've agreed to stay as friends, so I never did get to know what really could've come out of it. The decision was sensible though as we seem to make better friends anyway.

[ September 20, 2004, 15:03: Message edited by: Foradasthar ]

 

Wow... Anywayz, it all comes down to dialogue before you start the actual romance.

Just like Baldur's Gate 2. (ok now I'm kidding)

 

Nizidramanii'yt, that's what I though as well, till about a month ago I guess, as a girl being swepped off her feet by a guy that had no problems of making it obvious to a group of over 50 people that he liked me A LOT.

There are friendships that grow into relationships, but there's also the relationship that pops up out of nowhere. I always thought that to be impossible, guess not.

I suppose that in the first case you've found out a lot more about the person itself before the romance stage and in the second case, getting to know each other happens while you're in the relationship already.

 

*but there's also the relationship that pops up out of nowhere.*

Oh you mean love at first sight? I guess it exists, but it will be difficult maintaining that relationship w/o the proper dialogue. It's like the relationship feeds on the dialogue. I do not however believe in deep friendship growing into a relation. Those are totally different feelings. Then íf the relation should be over, it's prolly done with the friendship as well. I hope I never comes to that situation...

 

Well, for me it wasn't love at first sight, I liked him, but didn't love him, then we got closer and I got to know him better and started falling in love with him. For, him, well, I'm not sure whether it was love at first sight, I recon it was more something like this: He was interested, then liked what he saw and started to fall in love pretty soon. All the falling in love happened when we were already together, that's why I didn't call it love at first sight. It's a bit of a risk, I could've found out that he wasn't boyfriend material after all. Luckily it ended up being worth taking the risk.

Don't know if that makes any sense...

And yes, dialogue is vital.

 

Yes, it's important to be able to talk openly. By this I don't mean a rude, disrespectful kind of openness, but something different. A kind of compulsive honesty that comes out of respect, not lack of it. Love needs to be connected with truth. If the truth is tough, love will help deal with it.

 

It's amazing how you
Can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word
You can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing
The smile on your face
Let's me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
A touch of your hand
Says you'll catch me if ever I fall
Yeah, you say it best
When you say nothing at all...the late Keith Whitley

 

Just about everything thats been mentioned is minor to me, intellegence whatever, religion believe what you want, companionship I have a dog.

Trust is important, but it's not key, I trust her and she trusts me, I don't need blind loyalty, because I'm not that insanely loyal, I flirt with other girls all the time, but Van trusts me enough to know that I won't do anything.

What matters the most to me is that fact that I can sit and just look at her and can see myself with her. I've had a fair amount of girlfriends and quite often I get bored. I don't see that happening here.

 

Money, lots and lots of money...

 

Why not just summarize it to this:

Females want James Bond with the ability to read minds.

Males want boobs.

(I, at least, want them. )