What would you do?

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[other male]

This is really a tough question, what would one really do if he/she found him-/herself in a likewise situation? I believe that saying one would do one thing or another is fairly easy, however finding oneself in a situation like this and having to act is by no means halfway as easy.
Looking rationally upon this issue, as one obviously has to do considering the fact that you have no way of truly knowing how you would act when it came down to it. I really can't see any problems with keeping the child, unless enormous financial problems made it not an option. I guess that what I'm saying is that I would keep the child and despite whatever problems the future might hold in store for me, I would face the consequences.
My own mother raised three children alone without any help from her drunken, drug addicted poor excuse of an ex-husband. She was making somewhat near the minimum vague Danish society has to offer, but made it through despite the odds. I believe that one can make it work if that person says to him-/herself 'this has to work! Though keeping the child will complicate things, and probably create some heavy problems. Giving the child up for adoption will surely create problems too.
I think that it's probably better to actually raise this kid without the father in its life than it would be with him in it. As Rallymama says, there's no prove what-so-ever of the existence of a 'rape-gene', but it's been proven over and over again that one is a product of ones childhood, and though you can fight it and become what you want, you've seen various cases of kids growing up to be paedophiles and the like because they had experienced a parent, uncle, whatever that molested them when the were children. I believe that the impact such a father as this one could have on his son could prove to be devastating.
This is of course all hypothetical.

 

JSSB - I understand what you're saying. The point I'm making is that if I were in such a position (granted I couldn't be raped and pregnant, but you know what I mean) that going the route of adoption when I already had a child wouldn't even be a considered option. I mean, I don't think the thought would even enter my mind.

 

I guess it comes down to a certain extent to whether it is better for you to have the one child who may be disappointed at not having her baby brother but you are capable of providing for her adequately or having both of them and not having the ability/means to provide them with an adequate standard of living.

It is certainly a decision that I wouldn't want to be faced with but it must not be an uncommon one facing single mothers.

 

[dad]

The person being punished in this case is the father/rapist...not the unborn. If you are able to take some demented logic and justify adopting out the baby to be...then that same logic would insist you adopt out the little girl. Makes no sense.

Keep the baby, tell them about their father as they get older, and raise them to cherish and respect the dignity of other living creatures.

I assume the mother is capable of doing that.

p.s. I think chev is converting Rally

 

[dad]

Keep the baby. Hacken Slash said it perfectly.

 

[Dad]

This is a a tragic and ugly story, and I will certainly not presume to give advice. This decision can only rest with the mother of the child. What she is comfortable with must be what is best for the child.

 

Mother here. The baby is not at fault for who his father is. It is extremely likely that the little guy will never grow up to be a rapist like his father unless the father it there to teach him. If the father is out of the picture then the baby will learn from his mother and sister. He will have a much different view of women than the thing that is his father.

Rally mentioned that the mother and daughter had probably been anticipating this baby for a long time before all the bad stuff came to the surface. Maybe the little one can be looked at as a new beginning rather then a reminder of a nasty person. He may have his fathers genes but he also has his mothers. He has never done anything wrong. Let him stay with his real family if they will love him.

 

Hack, I BTDT, and I'm still paying the bill even 20 years later!

 

BT...DT? What's that?

 

Been There, Done That

 

Why are they even considering putting the child up for adoption? What did the unborn baby do that the already born daughter didn't?

 

@Shell:
I think it's more along the lines of what it might not have done. Namely make a place of its own in the mother's heart. As it's still unborn, it hasn't had much of a chance to do that yet. It's not the child's fault, of course, but there's nothing that can be done about that.

 

[other woman]

count me in with chev, Rally and co.

 

[other male]

I'm in agreement with everyone else here. It seems strange to give up a child for adoption based on some recent actions of the child's father. As Rallymama pointed out, there's no proven "rape-gene" so she'll have to teach the child that it's wrong... if she keeps him that is.

 

I'm a father of three gorgeous little girls, but what I'm gonna say is going to get me slapped up one side and down another, but here goes:

If this girl is under the belief that she will be unable to give the same love that she currently gives her present child, then she should give the baby up for adoption.

If it were me, I'd not have that problem -- I'd love that kid with all my heart. Some might say that if she couldn't do that too then there must be something wrong with her, and maybe they're right. But it would take great courage to admit such a character flaw and I think that the child deserves the full love of his parents. If, for whatever reason, she feels she could not give him that, then she should give the baby to someone who will love the child as he deserves.

Go ahead all, tear me a new one!

 

LKD, that's exactly what I was trying to say (though you were a bit more eloquent).

 

Stop quantifying love...I don't think it works that way.

 

Sorry about bringing a dead thread back to life, but I felt the need for an update.

My cousin did have the baby and it is a boy who looks exactly like his father.

Today the father was found guilty on all counts and we will find out in 6-8 weeks what the sentence will be (they say it could be up to 50 years, but I doubt that). I'm hopeful that he will spend at least 18 years behind bars as this way the children will be adults when he gets out. I don't think we will be that lucky.